IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

21.Some people think leaving their home country provides more opportunities for working or studying, while others think staying in their own country is a better choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Write an essay with no less than 250 words.

#people #home #country #opportunities #choice
There are different views about the benefits of
migrations
Fix the agreement mistake
migration
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad. Even though staying in
homeland
Correct article usage
a homeland
show examples
 does not lead
people
 to face
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adaptation issues, I would argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 individuals relocating to different domains broaden their understanding of the world. It is a common conception that being a part of stranger
cultures
 requires huge effort.
Therefore
, the aspiration to
continuing
Wrong verb form
continue
show examples
 a part of
motherland
Correct article usage
the motherland
show examples
 is totally understandable. Not everyone wants to study
Correct article usage
a foreing
show examples
foreing
Correct your spelling
foreign
 language, or
forgos
Correct your spelling
forgot
forgoes
 national
cousine
Correct your spelling
cuisine
. From those
people
's perspective, shouldering these burdens
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
only contributes to time consumption. They may even find interacting with new
cultures
 is unnecessary.
Instead
 of a long language learning period,
for instance
, a person can
promote
Wrong verb form
be promoted
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 employment easily.
However
, encountering different
cultures
 improves
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one's perception
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
. For sure
this
 shift can be risky but, it
Add a missing verb
is worths
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worths
Replace the word
worth
show examples
to try
Change the verb form
trying
show examples
. By engaging in various
cultures
, an individual
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 chance to comprehend the environment fully.
Furthermore
, living abroad offers
great
Add an article
a great
the great
show examples
 opportunity to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 one's potential.
People
 who
keep
Verb problem
continue
show examples
 living in their homeland may be restricted by adverse conditions,
such
 as
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of technology and freedom. In order for them to be more efficient professionals, changing
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 might become mandatory. Take a promising computer engineer from a third-world country. Neither amenities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 nor is funding suitable to be a potential company CEO.
Consequently
, being employed or
studied
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 abroad opens a variety of doors for
people
. In conclusion, staying in
homeland
Correct article usage
a homeland
show examples
 can be advantageous for those who do not want to adapt to other
cultures
; yet, being a part of other different countries
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
people
 to be more enhanced.
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clarity
Work on improving sentence clarity and reducing ambiguity in your ideas. This will strengthen your argument and make your points more convincing. For example, avoid vague phrases like 'being a part of stranger cultures' and use more precise language.
examples
Include more specific examples and personal experiences to support your points. This adds depth and richness to your essay, making it more engaging for the reader.
cohesion
Refine your use of transitional phrases to ensure that the essay flows smoothly from one idea to the next. This will help maintain the reader's interest and improve overall coherence.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, encapsulating the discussion of global relocation versus staying in one's homeland.
balanced view
There is a thoughtful discussion on both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view of the benefits and drawbacks of migration.
depth of argument
The essay effectively considers the impact of cultural exposure on personal growth and professional opportunities, adding to the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • opportunities
  • advantages
  • education
  • job opportunities
  • exposure
  • different cultures
  • perspectives
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • improvement
  • language skills
  • familiarity
  • local culture
  • customs
  • support
  • family
  • friends
  • contribute
  • development
  • comfort
  • familiar environment
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