21.Some people think leaving their home country provides more opportunities for working or studying, while others think staying in their own country is a better choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Write an essay with no less than 250 words.

There are different views about the benefits of
migrations
Fix the agreement mistake
migration
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad. Even though staying in
homeland
Correct article usage
a homeland
show examples
does not lead
people
to face
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adaptation issues, I would argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
individuals relocating to different domains broaden their understanding of the world. It is a common conception that being a part of stranger
cultures
requires huge effort.
Therefore
, the aspiration to
continuing
Wrong verb form
continue
show examples
a part of
motherland
Correct article usage
the motherland
show examples
is totally understandable. Not everyone wants to study
Correct article usage
a foreing
show examples
foreing
Correct your spelling
foreign
language, or
forgos
Correct your spelling
forgot
forgoes
national
cousine
Correct your spelling
cuisine
. From those
people
's perspective, shouldering these burdens
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
only contributes to time consumption. They may even find interacting with new
cultures
is unnecessary.
Instead
of a long language learning period,
for instance
, a person can
promote
Wrong verb form
be promoted
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
employment easily.
However
, encountering different
cultures
improves
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one's perception
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
. For sure
this
shift can be risky but, it
Add a missing verb
is worths
show examples
worths
Replace the word
worth
show examples
to try
Change the verb form
trying
show examples
. By engaging in various
cultures
, an individual
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
chance to comprehend the environment fully.
Furthermore
, living abroad offers
great
Add an article
a great
the great
show examples
opportunity to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
one's potential.
People
who
keep
Verb problem
continue
show examples
living in their homeland may be restricted by adverse conditions,
such
as
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of technology and freedom. In order for them to be more efficient professionals, changing
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
might become mandatory. Take a promising computer engineer from a third-world country. Neither amenities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
nor is funding suitable to be a potential company CEO.
Consequently
, being employed or
studied
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
abroad opens a variety of doors for
people
. In conclusion, staying in
homeland
Correct article usage
a homeland
show examples
can be advantageous for those who do not want to adapt to other
cultures
; yet, being a part of other different countries
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
people
to be more enhanced.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

clarity
Work on improving sentence clarity and reducing ambiguity in your ideas. This will strengthen your argument and make your points more convincing. For example, avoid vague phrases like 'being a part of stranger cultures' and use more precise language.
examples
Include more specific examples and personal experiences to support your points. This adds depth and richness to your essay, making it more engaging for the reader.
cohesion
Refine your use of transitional phrases to ensure that the essay flows smoothly from one idea to the next. This will help maintain the reader's interest and improve overall coherence.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, encapsulating the discussion of global relocation versus staying in one's homeland.
balanced view
There is a thoughtful discussion on both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view of the benefits and drawbacks of migration.
depth of argument
The essay effectively considers the impact of cultural exposure on personal growth and professional opportunities, adding to the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • opportunities
  • advantages
  • education
  • job opportunities
  • exposure
  • different cultures
  • perspectives
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • improvement
  • language skills
  • familiarity
  • local culture
  • customs
  • support
  • family
  • friends
  • contribute
  • development
  • comfort
  • familiar environment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: