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Band 5.5

Many people think that the government should spend more money on providing faster and cheaper means of public transport. Some others think that there are other important factors to take into consideration like (petrol, cost and environment). Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #government #money #transport #factors #consideration #petrol #cost #environment
A former US president once said something effect that the
government
 is for the
people
, by the
people
, and to the
people
, i.e., the
government
, per se, is a fundamental body for democratic countries composed of
people
 elected by the
people
 to govern a country and pursue nation’s profit. Nowadays, there are some
people
claim
Correct pronoun usage
who claim
show examples
 that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should spend more money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
transportation
. Admitting that it is a matter of relativity that what
government
 should spend its money on, the answer varies from person to person, depending on the value systems or the countries. All in all, I agree that
government
 should more invest
public
Change preposition
in public
show examples
 transport.
First,
transportation
 which is faster and cheaper enables us to improve financial results not only
tourism
Change preposition
in tourism
show examples
 but
also
industry
Change preposition
for industry
show examples
.
For example
, Japan has a famous
fastest
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
train,
bullet
Correct article usage
a bullet
show examples
 train. As it
advents
Correct your spelling
advances
show examples
,
people
 can move swiftly from Tokyo to Osaka within 2 hours, and
as a result
, it earns more than 10 billion yen per year by itself.
Second,
public
transportation
 can contribute to
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 problems, e.g., global warming. Some
people
contain
Verb problem
claim
show examples
 that the
government
 has to use money for sustainable energy,
such
 as solar and wind power.
However
, it is a significant issue for them to rely on a certain climate.
On the other hand
, if
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
transportation
 has been widespread, the number of
people
 who use
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 will reduce
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
bases
Fix the agreement mistake
basis
show examples
. That having been mentioned, I would like to hasten to add that there
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been many facts that these opinions are ignored by the
government
. I believe that the crux of
this
 question is
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 attitude to hear
nation’s
Correct article usage
the nation’s
show examples
 voice to create
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 well-being society.
That is
 my view.
Submitted by hide8335 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure all paragraphs are linked in a way that leads the reader smoothly from one idea to another. Consider using transition words more effectively and fully develop each point before moving to the next.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, clearly define the views of others before presenting your opinion. Make sure the conclusion directly addresses the essay question and summarizes key arguments.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the task and have made a solid attempt to discuss both views.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a consistent argument and includes relevant examples, such as the bullet train in Japan, which effectively supports your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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