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Writing Samples
Band 6

With the development of social media, more and more youngsters are being allowed unsupervised access to the internet in order to meet and chat with friends which can lead to potentially dangerous situations. What solutions can you suggest to deal with this problem?

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With the advancement in social media, there is an increase in the number of young people having access to the internet with no adult supervision.
This
 may lead to the possibility of dangerous
situations
 occurring. In
this
 essay, I will be presenting solutions to deal with
this
 problem.
Firstly
,
children
 should not be allowed to have a
phone
 at
such
 a young age.
Parents
 should observe their
children
 and decide when they are mature enough to obtain a mobile
device
. The absence of a mobile
device
 eliminates the prospect of
children
 putting themselves in dangerous
situations
 with the use of social media.
However
, if
children
 do own a
phone
,
parents
 should set restrictions on certain internet access and monitor their
children
's
device
 activity to ensure that they are not participating in harmful activities.
In addition
,
parents
 could install location-tracking apps on their
child’s
Fix the agreement mistake
children’s
show examples
 devices so that they are always aware of their
children
’s whereabouts.
This
 reduces the likelihood of
children
 going to locations that
parents
 may disagree with.
Moreover
, the establishment of a good parent-child relationship is crucial to ensuring the safety of
children
. With a good relationship,
children
 are more likely to inform their
parents
 of their plans and location which ensures that
children
 are safe. In conclusion, to prevent dangerous
situations
 from occurring,
parents
 could delay the purchase of a mobile
device
 for their child. If
children
 already own a
phone
,
parents
 could control the activity on their
child’s
Fix the agreement mistake
children’s
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, reducing the potential for dangerous
situations
 to happen.
Submitted by d.adeliasong on

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task achievement
Elaborate more on each solution and provide additional examples to enhance clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
Consider organizing the points more logically and ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining the main issue and solutions.
task achievement
The essay identifies relevant solutions directly related to the problem mentioned.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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