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Band 1.5

A map illustrating the evolution of the Lakeside area from 2000 to 2009

#evolution #lakeside #area
The map demonstrates the changes
of
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in
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 the Lakeside area in nine years. From an
overall
 perspective, the
lake side
Correct your spelling
lakeside
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 witnessed total
tranfromations
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transformations
transformation
, as except for
school
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the school
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 and
residental
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residential
 area, the constructions
Add the comma(s)
, as well as landscapes,
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as well as
 landscapes have
reconstructed
Add a missing verb
been reconstructed
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 completely.
First,
a striking feature was the expansion of the industrial complex, as the woodland and the resident building were cleared in
way
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the way
a way
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 for the complex. In 2000, three
residental
Correct your spelling
residential
area
Change to a plural noun
areas
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 appeared on the map,
while
 around a decade later, two out of three were cleared and made room for grocery
as well as
 the
rebuild
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rebuilt
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 industry place. As for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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entertainment purposes, multi-screen cinema
took
Wrong verb form
has taken
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 the place of
Add an article
the arts
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arts
Change the noun form
art
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 centre for the
last
 nine years.
More over
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Moreover
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, a second school was added for study reasons. ...................
Submitted by nguyenphuonglinh16.12 on

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay would benefit from a stronger introduction and conclusion. A clear introduction sets the stage for your reader, and a conclusion wraps up your discussion effectively.
logical structure
Ensure clarity by maintaining a consistent structure, such as listing changes in a logical sequence. Consider using transitions more frequently to guide the reader smoothly between ideas.
supported main points
You've made good use of specific details from the map to support your points. Mentioning specific changes adds depth to your response.
complete response
Your essay effectively identifies key changes in the Lakeside area over the nine-year period, demonstrating good task understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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