Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work

The age of retirement is different all around the world. Many

people

live

Wrong verb form

have lived

show examples

much longer than before in the

last

decades. On the one hand, raising the age of working is perfect to

work

more to earn money and feel useful in humans.

On the other hand

, human bodies need to break after many

years

of hard

work

, and it is a physical situation to stay at home and just enjoy the rest of

their

Correct pronoun usage

your

show examples

life.

This

essay will be written about

this

subject

then

I will give my opinion.

First,

the body of humans cannot be active after they are getting old. Statistically, the efficiency of working decreases after 40.

Additionally

people

must rest and spend their time to bring their health back after working for many

years

Therefore

for

this

reason, I recommend the phase of working is not related to the stage of living. The physical power gets lost after many ages of doing a job.

Second,

any jobs need new workers or those who

work

for their companies. Obviously, if somebody works for many

years

then

there are no new job positions for younger.

Thus

, older

people

must

work

for specific

years

then

they should teach their experiences to newer

people

As a result

, the 30

years

of experience will be given to the next generation

in addition

this

cycle will happen and make incredible results for any company. In conclusion, in my opinion, the age of retirement is not related to the phase of living. Many reasons show us why we have to give the opportunity to younger to fill the oldest job positions. In my point of view,

people

need

break

Add an article

a break

show examples

for the rest of life after working many

years

for the government and they should spend their leisure time with their family members and grandchildren.

Submitted by sarvin.rahimi9898 on Thu Oct 10 2024

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task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your points. Using examples can make your arguments more convincing and relatable.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. You may want to use more transitional phrases or linking words to improve coherence and cohesion.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the argument and provide closure on the topic.

task achievement

Your ideas are articulated clearly, which makes your position on the topic understandable.

task achievement

The essay presents both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced view and depth of thought.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

302 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries, there have been schemes to encourage older professional people to retrain as school teachers. Do you feel that this is likely to have beneficial effects on education? Support your point of view with reasons and/or examples from your own experience.

Today, many people do not know their neighbors in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have advantages or more disadvantages?

Research shows that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people engage in unhealthy activities. What is the cause of this? What can be done? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.