Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work

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The age of retirement is different all around the world. Many

people

Use synonyms

live

Wrong verb form

have lived

show examples

much longer than before in the

last

Linking Words

decades. On the one hand, raising the age of working is perfect to

work

Use synonyms

more to earn money and feel useful in humans.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, human bodies need to break after many

years

Use synonyms

of hard

work

Use synonyms

, and it is a physical situation to stay at home and just enjoy the rest of

their

Correct pronoun usage

your

show examples

life.

This

Linking Words

essay will be written about

this

Linking Words

subject

then

Linking Words

I will give my opinion.

First,

Linking Words

the body of humans cannot be active after they are getting old. Statistically, the efficiency of working decreases after 40.

Additionally

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

must rest and spend their time to bring their health back after working for many

years

Use synonyms

Therefore

Linking Words

for

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

reason, I recommend the phase of working is not related to the stage of living. The physical power gets lost after many ages of doing a job.

Second,

Linking Words

any jobs need new workers or those who

work

Use synonyms

for their companies. Obviously, if somebody works for many

years

Use synonyms

then

Linking Words

there are no new job positions for younger.

Thus

Linking Words

, older

people

Use synonyms

must

work

Use synonyms

for specific

years

Use synonyms

then

Linking Words

they should teach their experiences to newer

people

Use synonyms

As a result

Linking Words

, the 30

years

Use synonyms

of experience will be given to the next generation

in addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

cycle will happen and make incredible results for any company. In conclusion, in my opinion, the age of retirement is not related to the phase of living. Many reasons show us why we have to give the opportunity to younger to fill the oldest job positions. In my point of view,

people

Use synonyms

need

break

Add an article

a break

show examples

for the rest of life after working many

years

Use synonyms

for the government and they should spend their leisure time with their family members and grandchildren.

Submitted by sarvin.rahimi9898 on Thu Oct 10 2024

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task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your points. Using examples can make your arguments more convincing and relatable.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. You may want to use more transitional phrases or linking words to improve coherence and cohesion.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the argument and provide closure on the topic.

task achievement

Your ideas are articulated clearly, which makes your position on the topic understandable.

task achievement

The essay presents both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced view and depth of thought.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

302 words

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Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many professional sports, the use of banned substances to enhance performance is on the rise. what are the causes and solutions.

Too much emphasis is given for education of the young children. Moregovernment money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In a world increasingly driven by technology, to what extent do you agree that traditional art forms are losing their relevance? Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Students should pay their full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society.To what extent you agree or disagree?