IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or to try to get a job. You think they should get a job. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter: •say they would not enjoy going to college •explain why getting a job is a good idea for them •suggest types of jobs that would be suitable for them

#friend #advice #college #job #•say #•explain #idea #•suggest #jobs
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Dear Jane, It's been a long time since I heard from you. I hope you are doing great. By the way, I got your letter
this
 morning stating your intention to either go to
college
 or get a job. Well, for now, considering your circumstances, I would advise you to start working
instead
. I think during
this
 period, you wouldn't enjoy going to
college
,
therefore
, working will be a better idea.
Firstly
, you would need a lot of funds to pay for
college
 fees which you do not have at the moment.
Also
, your mum's hospital bills are accumulating which to me needs urgent attention as soon as possible. So, I would suggest you get a job
first,
make some money to sort your current excesses
then
 prepare financially to go to
college
. Meanwhile, at the moment, you could work as a customer care officer at Amazon or Samsung since you have experience in the field or preferably work in a care home as a care support staff. I believe you would be able to secure one of these jobs based on your degree certificate and work experience. I look forward to seeing you again. Warm regards, Moses.
Submitted by callmosomitoyin on

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task achievement
To enhance your response, elaborate more on why college may not be the best option for Jane at this time.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph explores a single idea more thoroughly to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
The letter has a clear greeting and closing, which frames the advice effectively.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is friendly and supportive, which is suitable for the context.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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