Nowadays, many parents put pressure on their children so that they excel in schools as well as in other extracurricular activities. Why do parents do this? Is this a positive or a negative development for the children?

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Many parents force their

children

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to perform optimally in extracurricular

activities

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along with

Linking Words

outstanding academic performance. There are several reasons contributing to

this

Linking Words

demand, and

while

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it can offer certain benefits, putting extra pressure on young souls can exasperate them. Doing extracurricular

activities

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, not only increases one's

chance

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of getting accepted into a prestigious college and university but

also

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gives them an opportunity to learn invaluable

life

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lessons. These

activities

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enable schoolers to strengthen their

curriculum

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vitae by showcasing their skills beyond academic

performanceand

Correct your spelling

performance

increasing their

chance

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to obtain a higher degree from a reputable college.

Moreover

Linking Words

, by joining art or sports clubs, young

children

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learn valuable

life

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experiences and enhance their interpersonal skills,

such

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as resilience and teamwork.

Consequently

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, parents demand excellent performance in extracurricular

activities

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along with

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outstanding results in standardized exams to boost their

children

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's social skills and provide a greater

chance

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for them to pursue higher degrees. The effect of extra

curriculum

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tasks can vary in the advantage-disadvantage spectrum based on its severity. outside the regular school's

curriculum

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stands to yield substantial benefits for

children

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however

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, augmented pressure can have a detrimental impact on their mental health.

Children

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have to sacrifice sleeping time to study as they have already used social hours of the day for engaging in

extratracurricular

Correct your spelling

extracurricular

extra-curricular

activities

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this

Linking Words

lack of sleep,

along with

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their parent's high expectations can cause major depression and anxiety disorders, ultimately forcing them to quit school and become dependent on drugs for a normal

life

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On the other hand

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, by incorporating less demanding

activities

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children

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's schedules, fathers and mothers can ensure that their

children

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profit from doing extra work

as well as

Linking Words

maintaining a healthy lifestyle. In conclusion, parents demand their

children

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to excel both in academic exams and outside the

curriculum

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activities

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in order to shape more experienced individuals and heighten

children

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chance

Fix the agreement mistake

chances

show examples

to attend

Change preposition

of attending

show examples

a tertiary education.

Although

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

approach can be beneficial in some ways, it can potentially

hinders

Change the verb form

hinder

show examples

individual's

Correct article usage

an individual's

show examples

quality of

life

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by affecting

childrens

Change to a genitive case

children's

show examples

minds negatively.

ghazalmoosavi79Thu Oct 10 2024

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language style

Make sure to reduce repetitive sentence structures and varied your vocabulary to demonstrate language proficiency and maintain reader interest.

content development

Try to ensure that all the points you make are well-supported with examples or explanations that specifically tie back to your main argument.

organization and coherence

Revisit the conclusion to ensure a robust summary of the arguments and clear final thoughts to wrap up the essay effectively.

task response

The essay addresses both parts of the task by discussing reasons for parental pressure and evaluating its effects.

coherence and cohesion

There is a clear introduction and conclusion which logically structure the essay.

content development

The essay attempts to explain the benefits and drawbacks of parental pressure with a balanced view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

333 words

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Nowadays, many parents put pressure on their children so that they excel in schools as well as in other extracurricular activities. Why do parents do this? Is this a positive or a negative development for the children?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people think that children should aim to be the best at what they are doing while others believe it is not necessary for them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It has been said that working in international context carries some challenges, however there is an opinion which claims that there is not such a kind of issue. Discuss both of these views and state your own opinion.

Some experts believe that it is better for a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?