Nowadays, many parents put pressure on their children so that they excel in schools as well as in other extracurricular activities. Why do parents do this? Is this a positive or a negative development for the children?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many parents force their
children
Use synonyms
to perform optimally in extracurricular
activities
Use synonyms
along with
Linking Words
outstanding academic performance. There are several reasons contributing to
this
Linking Words
demand, and
while
Linking Words
it can offer certain benefits, putting extra pressure on young souls can exasperate them. Doing extracurricular
activities
Use synonyms
, not only increases one's
chance
Use synonyms
of getting accepted into a prestigious college and university but
also
Linking Words
gives them an opportunity to learn invaluable
life
Use synonyms
lessons. These
activities
Use synonyms
enable schoolers to strengthen their
curriculum
Use synonyms
vitae by showcasing their skills beyond academic
performanceand
Correct your spelling
performance
increasing their
chance
Use synonyms
to obtain a higher degree from a reputable college.
Moreover
Linking Words
, by joining art or sports clubs, young
children
Use synonyms
learn valuable
life
Use synonyms
experiences and enhance their interpersonal skills,
such
Linking Words
as resilience and teamwork.
Consequently
Linking Words
, parents demand excellent performance in extracurricular
activities
Use synonyms
along with
Linking Words
outstanding results in standardized exams to boost their
children
Use synonyms
's social skills and provide a greater
chance
Use synonyms
for them to pursue higher degrees. The effect of extra
curriculum
Use synonyms
tasks can vary in the advantage-disadvantage spectrum based on its severity. outside the regular school's
curriculum
Use synonyms
stands to yield substantial benefits for
children
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, augmented pressure can have a detrimental impact on their mental health.
Children
Use synonyms
have to sacrifice sleeping time to study as they have already used social hours of the day for engaging in
extratracurricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
extra-curricular
activities
Use synonyms
.
this
Linking Words
lack of sleep,
along with
Linking Words
their parent's high expectations can cause major depression and anxiety disorders, ultimately forcing them to quit school and become dependent on drugs for a normal
life
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, by incorporating less demanding
activities
Use synonyms
in
children
Use synonyms
's schedules, fathers and mothers can ensure that their
children
Use synonyms
profit from doing extra work
as well as
Linking Words
maintaining a healthy lifestyle. In conclusion, parents demand their
children
Use synonyms
to excel both in academic exams and outside the
curriculum
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
in order to shape more experienced individuals and heighten
children
Use synonyms
's
Use synonyms
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
show examples
to attend
Change preposition
of attending
show examples
a tertiary education.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
approach can be beneficial in some ways, it can potentially
hinders
Change the verb form
hinder
show examples
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
quality of
life
Use synonyms
by affecting
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
show examples
minds negatively.
Submitted by ghazalmoosavi79 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language style
Make sure to reduce repetitive sentence structures and varied your vocabulary to demonstrate language proficiency and maintain reader interest.
content development
Try to ensure that all the points you make are well-supported with examples or explanations that specifically tie back to your main argument.
organization and coherence
Revisit the conclusion to ensure a robust summary of the arguments and clear final thoughts to wrap up the essay effectively.
task response
The essay addresses both parts of the task by discussing reasons for parental pressure and evaluating its effects.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion which logically structure the essay.
content development
The essay attempts to explain the benefits and drawbacks of parental pressure with a balanced view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: