Nowadays, many parents put pressure on their children so that they excel in schools as well as in other extracurricular activities. Why do parents do this? Is this a positive or a negative development for the children?
Many parents force their
children
to perform optimally in extracurricular activities
along with
outstanding academic performance. There are several reasons contributing to this
demand, and while
it can offer certain benefits, putting extra pressure on young souls can exasperate them.
Doing extracurricular activities
, not only increases one's chance
of getting accepted into a prestigious college and university but also
gives them an opportunity to learn invaluable life
lessons. These activities
enable schoolers to strengthen their curriculum
vitae by showcasing their skills beyond academic performanceand
increasing their Correct your spelling
performance
chance
to obtain a higher degree from a reputable college. Moreover
, by joining art or sports clubs, young children
learn valuable life
experiences and enhance their interpersonal skills, such
as resilience and teamwork. Consequently
, parents demand excellent performance in extracurricular activities
along with
outstanding results in standardized exams to boost their children
's social skills and provide a greater chance
for them to pursue higher degrees.
The effect of extra curriculum
tasks can vary in the advantage-disadvantage spectrum based on its severity. outside the regular school's curriculum
stands to yield substantial benefits for children
, however
, augmented pressure can have a detrimental impact on their mental health. Children
have to sacrifice sleeping time to study as they have already used social hours of the day for engaging in extratracurricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
extra-curricular
activities
. this
lack of sleep, along with
their parent's high expectations can cause major depression and anxiety disorders, ultimately forcing them to quit school and become dependent on drugs for a normal life
. On the other hand
, by incorporating less demanding activities
in children
's schedules, fathers and mothers can ensure that their children
profit from doing extra work as well as
maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
In conclusion, parents demand their children
to excel both in academic exams and outside the curriculum
activities
in order to shape more experienced individuals and heighten children
's chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
to attend
a tertiary education. Change preposition
of attending
Although
this
approach can be beneficial in some ways, it can potentially hinders
Change the verb form
hinder
individual's
quality of Correct article usage
an individual's
life
by affecting childrens
minds negatively.Change to a genitive case
children's
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organization and coherence
Revisit the conclusion to ensure a robust summary of the arguments and clear final thoughts to wrap up the essay effectively.
task response
The essay addresses both parts of the task by discussing reasons for parental pressure and evaluating its effects.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion which logically structure the essay.
content development
The essay attempts to explain the benefits and drawbacks of parental pressure with a balanced view.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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Linking words for giving examples:
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- namely
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