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Band 5.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree? Give the reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#week #workers #weekend
Many individuals nowadays hold a firm belief that shorter working hours should be given to employers to increase their free time on the weekend. In my point of view, I totally agree with
this
 suggestion based on some reasons that will be explained in
this
 essay. In
this
 day and age, the mental health of an employee is considered a relevant thing
that is
 directly related to the improvement of their assignment’s quality. With more leisure time,
workers
 can be motivated to reduce stress, foster a positive attitude for their organization, and be more passionate about the company. To be more specific, a longer weekend can help people pursue hobbies and learn new skills
such
 as leadership skills, communication skills,… Many studies in the USA showed that lots of people tend to be healthier and harder-working, and the rate of
staff’s
Change noun form
staff
show examples
 productivity has increased dramatically.
Secondly
, once the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 that the
workers
 spend on jobs
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
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, the quality of their output is higher
due to
 their
well-rested
Add a missing verb
being well-rested
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.
Moreover
, because of the fewer working hours, the companies can reduce the employee’s salaries, which helps them to save a lot of money for training and recruiting.
For example
, research about
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 junk food system in Japan
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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illustrated a 14% higher total income when the president decided to give the
workers
 free on Saturday.
This
 suggests that investing in employees’ well-being can lead to greater
overall
 success for businesses.
To conclude
, many people nowadays are facing more than 8 hours of
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 that
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in mental breakdowns and some disconnected relationships. So
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the most possible way to solve
this
 should be longer spare
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
, which brings many advantages to the
workers
 and
also
 the businesses.
Submitted by dohuyhoang on

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coherence
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs for enhanced flow of ideas.
task achievement
Provide additional specific examples to strengthen your argument.
introduction conclusion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the argument well.
supported main points
Main points are generally well-supported and explained, showing a solid grasp of the topic.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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