IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The pie charts below show the selected causes of death as a percentage of all deaths of registered Indians and the total population in 1992.

The pie charts below show the selected causes of death as a percentage of all deaths of registered Indians and the total population in 1992.
#show #death #percentage #deaths #indians #population
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The pie chart
illustarte
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illustrates
illustrate
 the proportion of the
factors
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 of
death
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 of
indians
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Indian
 people aged between 18 and 22 years old with about 19.548 total
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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population. 
Overall
Linking Words
, the biggest
factors
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 of
death
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 as the chart
showen
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shown
shows
 are accidents, homicide, and other
factors
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 with 44.19%, 13.91%, and 26.40%
respectivily
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respectively
. Whilst
the
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apply
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cancer, heart
desises
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diseases
desires
, and suicide
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are considere
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considere
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considered
consider
 the
minimual cuase
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minimal causes
 of
death
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the
char
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chart
show examples
, the major factor of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
death
Use synonyms
 in India is accidents with almost the half of chart followed by other
factors
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 with almost
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 quarter.
Submitted by rashaalbalawi on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words factors, death with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • mortality rates
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • neoplasms (cancers)
  • chronic diseases
  • infectious diseases
  • statistical significance
  • preventable causes
  • health disparities
  • lifestyle factors
  • epidemiological data
  • public health
  • socioeconomic factors
  • medical conditions
  • healthcare access
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