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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It has been observed that in many countries notenoughstudentsarechoosingto studyscience subjects at university. What do you think are the causes of the problem? What are the effects on society

#countries #notenoughstudentsarechoosingto #studyscience #subjects #university #effects #society
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In various nations, there is a lack of pupils choosing to study
science
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 subjects at a tertiary level. In
this
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 essay, I will be discussing the contributions to
this
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 problem and how
this
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 choice made by
students
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 is affecting
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Firstly
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, I think that poor quality of teaching at a secondary school is the main factor
of
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behind
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 the decision being made by learners to not study
science
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 courses at
unversity
Correct your spelling
university
.
Students
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 tend to select and
aquire
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acquire
 more knowledge
on
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in
show examples
 classes that they excel in,
therefore
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, insufficient understanding
on
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of
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 the subject would make pupils feel that they are not good enough to meet the requirements set by certain
instituitions
Correct your spelling
institutions
.
For example
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, university applications are very competitive and if a pupil already feels that they are not up to standard in terms of knowledge, in comparison to their peers, they may feel pressured into choosing another course that they have a better chance of being accepted into.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 decision made by
students
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 may have negative impacts on society. With fewer
students
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 studying
science
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 subjects, jobs in industries that require
this
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knowlegde
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knowledge
 will eventually cease to exist.
This
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 not only impacts the general public, but the economy as well because a decrease in the number of employees working in organisations that require
science
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lead
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leads
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 to a depletion in profits. 
Moreover
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, a reduction in profits is unpleasant for businesses as they will not be able to pay rent and cover costs, resulting in closure.  In conclusion, there are fewer
students
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 who view
science
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 as a subject option in university
due to
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 a weak foundation in
understanding
Add an article
the understanding
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 of
this
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 field
as well as
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 the increase in competitiveness for applying to tertiary
instituitions
Correct your spelling
institutions
.
This
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 choice made by
students
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 affects the nation negatively
due to
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 a decrease in job opportunities and the
diminshing
Correct your spelling
diminishing
 of businesses.
Submitted by d.adeliasong on

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task achievement
Consider including more specific examples or case studies to strengthen the argument. This will make the discussion more tangible and relatable for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Enhance logical progression by using transition words effectively. This will improve the flow from one idea to the next.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion.
task achievement
You provide a good analysis of the causes of the issue by addressing the quality of teaching and its impact on students' choices.
logical structure
The paragraphs are organized, with each focusing on a specific point, aiding in logical structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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