IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Academic
succesion
Correct your spelling
success
 has been addicted by some people in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Many individuals claim that
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 are not as crucial as academic ones. It is disagreed that
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as cooking and mechanic
skills
Use synonyms
 should
Add a missing verb
be eleminated
show examples
eleminated
Correct your spelling
eliminated
 by universities.
This
Linking Words
 essay, will discuss why
such
Linking Words
skills
Use synonyms
 are important and give examples about it. On the one hand, some people put a lot of
pressue
Correct your spelling
pressure
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their children to be the best
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 class. They believe that some
subjects
Use synonyms
 like cooking and physical activities are distracting kids from
an important knowledge
Remove the article
important knowledge
a piece of important knowledge
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, students who want to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
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 should
concetrate
Correct your spelling
concentrate
 on
subjects
Use synonyms
 like biology and anatomy.
Therefore
Linking Words
, students can be
elliate
Correct your spelling
elite
 in their academic future
instead
Linking Words
 of wasting time learning
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
skills
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people claim that succession is not only related to your grades at school or university. They think that
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
skills
Use synonyms
 are as
value
Replace the word
valuable
show examples
 as academic ones.
For example
Linking Words
, learning a mechanic
skills
Use synonyms
since
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a young age could bring
a great chances
Correct the article-noun agreement
a great chance
great chances
show examples
 at work and help teenagers decide what speciality prefer to study in the future.
Thus
Linking Words
, many individuals are inspired by juveniles who know physical
skills
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 are concentrating on their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 success at school and university, they should encourage them to comprehend and learn some physical aspects. It is predictable that universities and schools will focus and increase
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
, since
jobs
Change the noun form
job
show examples
 opportunities have been declining in recent years.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, but ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Try using linking words and phrases to build better cohesion and guide the reader through your arguments more seamlessly.
task achievement
Your task response generally covers the main points, but to strengthen your essay, provide more detailed and relevant examples. While your position is clear, adding more specific evidence could help to make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas clearly. While the essay does address the topic, there are instances where the argument could be expressed more clearly. Avoid repetition, such as the repeated mention of 'non academic skills' and 'subjects subjects,' to enhance clarity.
task achievement
You have effectively presented both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a well-presented introduction and conclusion, summarizing your stance and key points effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
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