IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people beleive that in a city the best way to travel is by car , while other people argue that the better way of travelling is by bicycles . discuss both views and give your opinion .

#people #beleive #city #travel #car #bicycles
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Whether the best way of transport is a cycle or a car is the topic of debate between many
people
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 . Some
people
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 consider
cars
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 to be a better mode of transport
while
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 others deny
this
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.
Although
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 the former opinion has its own benefits , I believe that cycle is a better option and has more advantages . In recent years the number of
cars
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 in
cities
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 has been rising each year . Many
people
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 believe that in
this
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 competitive era,
cars
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 play a crucial role by being a more reliable mode of travelling . Where cycles take a much longer
time
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 to cover a distance ,
cars
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 can easily cover the same distance in much less
time
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 when compared to cycles .
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Due to
Change preposition
For
show examples
this
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 reason, it saves
people
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's
time
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 which allows them to commit to some of their other
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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.
Moreover
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 ,
people
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 who work certain kinds of jobs which require them to travel always prefer using a car over
the
Correct article usage
a
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 bicycle . In my opinion ,
people
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 should consider using bicycles over
cars
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 in
cities
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 to avoid problems like
pollution
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.
Due to
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 the increased use of automobiles like
cars
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 , a rise in air
pollution
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as well as
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 noise
pollution
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 has become an issue , especially within the
cities
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 .
Furthermore
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 , traffic is another drawback,
consequently
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, leading to the increasing number of accidents .
On the other hand
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 bicycles neither cause air nor noise
pollution
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 .
Also
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, the impact of bicycle accidents is much less and does not cause any harm in the majority of the cases . In conclusion ,despite the factors like
cars
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 can save more
time
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 and are faster options,
this
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 essay believes that bicycles are a better mode for travelling within the
cities
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 and can be considered beneficial in the long run .
Submitted by simratkaur.10824.nps on

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relevant specific examples
To improve your essay, include more specific examples and data to support your views. This will help demonstrate a full understanding and provide stronger evidence for your arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
Try to elaborate on your points with more detail to make them clearer and more comprehensive. This will strengthen your argument and provide a deeper insight.
logical structure
The essay displays an obvious and logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively outlining your stance on the topic.
supported main points
You successfully presented both sides of the argument, discussing the benefits of cars and advocating for bicycles, which contributes to a balanced discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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