IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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A lot of packed food and
drink
Use synonyms
products
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 contain a large amount of
sugar
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, by consuming
this
Linking Words
 much amount of
sugar
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 will lead to poor health. Increasing the price of
sugar
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-containing
products
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 helps
people
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 to consume low
sugar
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. I partially agree with the statement, because
this
Linking Words
 way helps
people
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 to shift towards cheap healthy food options like green vegetables and fruits,
whereas
Linking Words
 we can't
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
control anyone's habit of eating sweet foods. In the market, if
sugar
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-containing
products
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 are available at high prices automatically
people
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 will buy
sugar
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-free low priced
products
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 because of their tight budgets. Increasing the taxes on
sugar
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 items
with
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apply
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forced the manufacturers to sell these
productsproduct
Correct your spelling
products product
 at
a high prices
Correct the article-noun agreement
a high price
high prices
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
: countries like the USA have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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heavy taxes on
sugar
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 drinks, which will motivate the individuals to purchase fruit juice which contains no
sugar
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is not possible to stop someone's habit of eating
sugar
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. Some
people
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 have a habit of eating sweets which can't be controlled by simply increasing prices.
For example
Linking Words
: On Redbull energy
drink
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it it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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mention "
This
Linking Words
drink
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 contains 40%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sugar
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"
still
Capitalize word
Still
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people
Use synonyms
 are buying and drinking these kinds of expensive
Use synonyms
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
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. The only way to encourage
this
Linking Words
 type of
people
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by
Add a missing verb
is by
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 explaining
them
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to them
show examples
 healthy
people
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 like heart attacks which are caused by high
sugar
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 consumption. In conclusion, it
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on person to person if someone is on a tight budget they will shift toward cheap healthier options,
whereas
Linking Words
 we can't control anyone's willingness to get
sugar
Use synonyms
 if they want to eat and
drink
Use synonyms
sugar
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 they will pay extra.
Submitted by merujain2221 on

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task response
Enhance your essay by elaborating on examples. Instead of just mentioning that the USA has heavy taxes on sugary drinks, provide more context or data to support the impact this taxation has had on consumer behavior.
coherence cohesion
Work on your coherence by ensuring each paragraph has a clearly defined topic sentence that guides the reader through your arguments. This will strengthen your logical structure and make your essay easier to follow.
task response
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which creates a complete response structure.
task response
The essay presents a balanced view, showing understanding of multiple perspectives on the issue, which fulfills the task requirement well.
coherence cohesion
The use of examples such as taxation in the USA and Redbull energy drinks supports your arguments and demonstrates relevance to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
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