At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relativity large number of young adults convert with the number of older people do the advantages of this situation outweight the disadvantages

#time #population #countries #relativity #adults #people #situation #outweight

Recently, young

people

population have increased in some countries compared with elderly

people

Although

it has positive aspects, especially financially, it could lead to

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of experimental

worker

Fix the agreement mistake

workers

show examples

. on the one hand,

increasing

Add an article

an increasing

show examples

number of adults

mean

Change the verb form

means

show examples

more workers and more fresh-mindes in

country

Add an article

the country

show examples

while

older

people

burden the government with their retirement salaries and their health expenditures. Young

people

can contribute to economic growth by

provide

Change the verb form

providing

show examples

working hands and their taxes.

For example

according to

most leading scientific research, increasing young

people

leads to new businesses and more development, which provide financial

benefit

Fix the agreement mistake

benefits

show examples

to whole communities.

Additionally

, more young

people

mean many new and fresh ideas, because young age

people

are always curious and passionate, and they find new ways to create innovations.

On the other hand

, the lack of elderly means the lack of experimental and skilled workers, which could lead to leaning more toward foreign experts

instead

of local ones.

Furthermore

, these phenomena

also

affect individuals and families. Those

people

provide

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

warmth and caring, especially with their wisdom and experiences. They can strengthen community bonds.

For instance

, families depend mainly on their grandparents to take care of their children

while

they are working. If they depend on other

people

, they will not guarantee

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good treatment or make sure their children are getting the best caring.

To conclude

although

there are many great advantages of increasing

young

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

people

population, there are

also

downsides

Change preposition

show examples

decreasing the number of older ones.

Submitted by adianalmozan on Fri Oct 11 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Work on improving the logical flow by using more transition words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly.

Task Achievement

Ensure all key points are thoroughly supported with relevant examples to strengthen your argument.

Language Use

Double-check for grammatical errors and awkward phrasings for a more polished response.

Task Achievement

The essay clearly addresses the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages.

Coherence & Cohesion

A clear introduction and conclusion are present, giving the essay a solid structure.

Task Achievement

The examples used are relevant and add value to the argument presented.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

244 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relativity large number of young adults convert with the number of older people do the advantages of this situation outweight the disadvantages

Include an introduction and conclusion

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

if the product is good and meets consumer needs than advertising is unnecessary… To what extent do you agree?

Many university students live with their families, while others live away from home because their universities are in different places. Do the advantages of living away from home for university studies outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about leg of sleep?

These days, in many counties fewer and fewer people want to become teachers, particularly in secondary schools. What are the reasons for this, and how could the problem be solved?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+