IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Eating too much sugar is harmful to health. Some people think it is the government’s responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Consumption of
sugar
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 is too common these days,
although
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 it is harmful to
health
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. Some people believe that the
government
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 should do something to
control
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 the usage of
sugar
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 ,
while
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 others think that it is the responsibility of an individual to minimize the consumption of sweets. I believe that it should be controlled by individuals.
To begin
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 with, it is the duty of the
government
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 to
control
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 the
sugar
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 in the country because people are paying huge amounts of taxes to the local authorities so they have to provide better
health
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 services to their citizens.
For example
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, Singapore is the country which banned the advertisement of cold drinks and things, which contain a high level of
sugar
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due to
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 that there are fewer cases of diabetes as compared to other countries.
Thus
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 , limiting the
sugar
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 level can raise the fitness level of human beings.
On the other hand
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, it is very hard for the
government
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 to
control
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 every individual
sugar
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 usage because every person has their own preference and they have to right choose whatever they want to purchase.
For instance
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, many model and sports stars choose healthy food rather than eating food which contains
sugar
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 because they know
sugar
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 is harmful to their body .
Therefore
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,people are responsible for their
health
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. In conclusion,
although
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 some pupils think that the
government
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 has to take some action to
control
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sugar
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 , I believe that every single person should take care of their diet and
health
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.

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, elaborate on your arguments with more detailed examples and explanations. Consider exploring additional perspectives on the topic to deepen the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Work on strengthening coherence and cohesion by ensuring smooth transitions between ideas. Use linking words effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
introduction conclusion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You have successfully discussed both perspectives related to the topic, providing a balanced view.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • harmful
  • government intervention
  • policies and regulations
  • public health
  • individual responsibility
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • freedom of choice
  • balanced approach
  • food industry
  • sugar content
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • health problems
  • taxation
  • advertising restrictions
  • labeling requirements
  • reading food labels
  • natural sweeteners
  • cooking at home
  • moderation
  • balanced diets
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