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Band 4.5

Many people believe that today there is a general increase in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others. What might have caused this situation? How to improve it?

#people #behavior #lack #respect #situation
Nowadays，there
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 an increasing
of
Change preposition
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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phenomenon that
involved
Wrong verb form
involves
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with
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apply
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some individuals
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
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 not allowed
to
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in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, and some of them have
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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disrespectful behaviors.From my own perspective,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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less attention
on
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to
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 the situation,
while
 more improvements
on
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in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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education will be the suitable solution to address the issue. One possible approach is to revise their education for students and
teenagers
.Based on the internet growing rapidly in diversity.Some
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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teenagers
 will learn some negative
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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 and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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imitate
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.
It is clear that
 students stay at school
for
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apply
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most of the time, and teachers should teach them to have
the
Correct article usage
a
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 responsibility to
the
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apply
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society，follow some rules or do some
dedications
Fix the agreement mistake
dedication
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.
However
, some
teenagers
 who
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 disabled to go to school for them, it is significant to have more parental involvement.
In
Change preposition
As
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 an old saying.Parents are the best
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
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to
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for
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 their children.Parents can teach by words and examples in daily life.
By following
Change preposition
Following
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 these solutions,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will have some terrific efforts for
teenagers
in particular
. An alternative approach is to appeal
for
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to
show examples
 raise the concentration
from
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of
show examples
 society.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 can organize some public
lecture
Fix the agreement mistake
lectures
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,It can let more inhabitants participate in the action, which is to against the negative phenomenon.
Government
Add an article
The government
show examples
also
 can draw up
in
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apply
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other laws to decrease the
anti social
Add a hyphen
anti-social
show examples
 trend.After taking those actions,Individuals will make some
enhancement
Fix the agreement mistake
enhancements
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
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 their public behaviors. In short,
teenagers
 need more guarantee on their social gestion,
While
pay
Change the verb form
paying
show examples
 more attention to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society in order to take precautions
to
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apply
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the
anti social
Add a hyphen
anti-social
show examples
 actions.By taking those solutions, we must have a bright and peaceful future.
Submitted by ysh424 on

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task achievement
Incorporate specific examples or case studies to strengthen the explanation and enhance reader understanding.
coherence cohesion
Include clear topic sentences to improve paragraph organization and create a smooth progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Essay has a structured introduction and conclusion, clearly stating the issue and giving a broad overview of solutions.
task achievement
Ideas are clearly presented with suggestions on how to address anti-social behavior, showcasing a strong comprehension of the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • diminished
  • empathy
  • individualism
  • self-centered
  • economic pressures
  • competitive nature
  • manifest
  • traditional moral values
  • aggressive content
  • anonymity
  • consequences
  • character education
  • social and emotional learning
  • community-based programs
  • ethical teachings
  • socio-economic contributors
  • regulating
  • promotes
  • discourages
  • foster
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