It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?
It is a controversial debate over whether can parents and teachers punish
children
when teaching those who make mistakes. From my perspective, punishment
is necessary to assist adults to help
Change preposition
in helping
kids
to distinguish the difference between right and wrong. However
, the way
it takes is also
a significant topic.
Kids
may do something wrong in the process of growth due to
the uncomplete
development of Correct your spelling
incomplete
brain
and Correct article usage
the brain
Correct article usage
the recognization
recognization
system. Correct your spelling
recognition
Therefore
, it is inevitable to have to correct their behavior
; Change the spelling
behaviour
however
, sometimes merely scolding doesn't work and children
possibly forget it right after they are being
reminded. Unnecessary verb
apply
In
Change preposition
As
the
result, Correct article usage
a
punishment
should be imposed on them. As for which kind of treatment is needed, in my opinion, it should be letting them do the same thing in accurate
Change the article
an accurate
way
and make up for those have
been hurt by them. It might be ambiguous. Correct pronoun usage
who have
For example
, if children
hit others just because other people disagree with their statement, the first step parents and teachers have to take is not to scold at
them but tell them the right Change preposition
apply
way
to react by telling them that discussing or reinforing
their though is the best Correct your spelling
reinforcing
informing
way
, because there's no one in the world shold
follow them. After making them Correct your spelling
should
realizing
that they did something wrong, Wrong verb form
realise
the next step is
to let them konw
what or whom have been harmed by them. Apology and some Correct your spelling
know
compensations
should be implemented, without those actions, Fix the agreement mistake
compensation
kids
can never known
what they did Change the verb form
know
be known
have
caused lots of negative Wrong verb form
has
effect
.
In another aspect, Change to a plural noun
effects
although
I consider punishment
is
necessary, I don't agree with physical Unnecessary verb
apply
punishment
, which can only makes
Change the verb form
make
kids
feel painful
and even make them get injured but Replace the word
pain
no
Change preposition
with no
efficincy
. It can only cover Correct your spelling
efficiency
children
with shades, contributing no assistance to correction. Some kids
may thus
go to the extreme side, causing tragedies.
In conclusion, punishment
is an effective way
to educate children
if using it precisely. But it will be dangerous if punishment
is so tough or harsh. Only by intermediate way
that
Correct word choice
apply
children
can learn a lesson from the experience.Submitted by n6160978224716 on
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task achievement
The essay presents a clear position regarding the necessity of punishment for children; however, it lacks depth in exploring alternative perspectives. Consider discussing the potential effects of positive reinforcement compared to punitive measures, which might enrich the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and present, but the essay could benefit from more cohesive transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Using linking words and signposting phrases can help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
Specific examples are lacking in clarity and might not fully illustrate your points. Aim to provide concrete examples that directly relate to the main argument, potentially drawing from real-life situations or studies to strengthen your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences lack clarity due to typographical errors and could be simplified for better comprehension. Re-reading your essay carefully or reading aloud might help identify areas needing rephrasing or correction.
task achievement
The essay successfully identifies and acknowledges a controversial issue regarding punishment in education, which sets a strong foundation for discussion.
task achievement
The author wisely rejects physical punishment, arguing for a more corrective and developmental approach, which adds a thoughtful perspective to the debate.
coherence and cohesion
The essay maintains an effectively structured beginning and end, affirming the main point with a logical progression toward a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.