Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion?

#people #earth #activity #place

It is argued

Correct word choice

that

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individuals

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individuals'

individual's

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acitivity

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activity

manifesting

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manifests

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harms

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harm

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to our environment or makes

Earth

a better site to live. In my

opnion

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opinion

, it is a controversial topic and

human`s

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human

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activities could be a

double-endged

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double-edged

double-ended

sword. I believe that

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

various

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apply

show examples

humans activity

Fix the agreement mistake

human activities

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nowadays are harmful to the

Earth

and have adverse

effect

Fix the agreement mistake

effects

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

our environment.

To begin

with, the

over useage

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overuse

of electrical devices

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

a significant role in weather changes.

Moreover

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

global warming

start

Wrong verb form

is starting

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to increase day by day

due to

the excessive

useage

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usage

electrecity

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electricity

Correct your spelling

Apparently

Apparentaly

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Apparently

, many people tend to

overused

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overuse

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the AC and

numrous

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numerous

machine

Add an article

the machine

a machine

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in their daily

lifes

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lives

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that

required

Wrong verb form

require

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a high level of

Correct your spelling

electricity

electrecity

Correct your spelling

electricity

In addition

This

Correct determiner usage

These

show examples

excessive electrical consumptions show a negative

effect

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show examples

climates and

increase

Correct subject-verb agreement

increases

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the global warming phenomenon which

have

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has

show examples

adverse

Add an article

an adverse

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effect

Change preposition

show examples

Earth

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Earth's

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balance

Furthermore

, the high percentage of

cars

and

buss

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buses

show examples

have

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has

show examples

a crucial

effect

in raising the percentage of

air-pollution

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air pollution

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Moreover

, goss fuel from the automatic

cars

performing

Wrong verb form

performs

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to increase pollution.

However

, using

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apply

show examples

soliar

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solar

cars

have an essential impact

to limit

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on limiting

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this

pollution.

Nevertheless

, to tackle

this

issue

humans

can

walking

Wrong verb form

walk

show examples

or use

bicyles

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bicycles

instead

cars

to enhance the

environments

Fix the agreement mistake

environment

show examples

. On the other, several

humans

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humans'

human's

show examples

bad habits have

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show examples

fundamental impact

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show examples

Earth

Change noun form

Earth's

show examples

balance

. To explain, the

demonished

Correct your spelling

demolition

of natural places and

forest

Fix the agreement mistake

forests

show examples

can highly affect

Correct article usage

the Earth

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Earth

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Earth's

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eco-system

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ecosystem

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In addition

this

might result

loosing

Verb problem

in the loss

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of specific animals and planet

specism

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species

show examples

However

, plants and animals are mandatory for

Earth

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Earth's

show examples

balance

To conclude

, some people believe that

humans

Fix the agreement mistake

human

show examples

acitivity

Correct your spelling

activity

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

harmful to

Earth

whereas

others think it

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

devolepment

Correct your spelling

development

and

keep

Correct subject-verb agreement

keeps

show examples

it a better place. In my opinion , I believe that most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

individuals

Change noun form

individuals'

individual's

show examples

activities

show

Verb problem

have

show examples

Change the article

show examples

adverse

effect

Change preposition

show examples

Earth

Change noun form

Earth's

show examples

balance

Nevertheless

Add a comma

Nevertheless,

show examples

the overusage of electricity and

cars

Fix the agreement mistake

car

show examples

fuel have

essential

Add an article

an essential

show examples

role in

golabal

Correct your spelling

global

warming and

air-pollution

Correct your spelling

air pollution

show examples

Submitted by rahafalkhashti7 on Sat Oct 12 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Clarify your opinion more distinctly in the introduction, and ensure it ties together at the conclusion.

task achievement

You should aim to present clear, specific examples to support your points. Instead of just stating that there's excessive electrical consumption, discuss specific impacts or case studies for clarity.

coherence cohesion

Your essay would benefit from a more logical sequence. Make sure each paragraph connects more seamlessly to the next, creating a natural argument progression.

coherence cohesion

Work on organizing your main points under clearly defined sections, possibly with subpoints, to enhance overall flow.

coherence cohesion

Be cautious of sentence structure and grammar inaccuracies to enhance understanding and coherence. Proofreading could help identify these issues.

task achievement

You have a clear awareness of the topic's complexity and present both sides of the argument, which is commendable.

task achievement

You've managed to maintain a balanced perspective by discussing both harmful and potentially beneficial aspects of human activities.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are present and offer a general framework for the essay, which helps structure your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
75Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

299 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

sustainability
renewable resources
carbon footprint
conservation
ecology
emissions
fossil fuels
greenhouse gases
habitat destruction
industrialization
pollutants
recycling
urbanization
deforestation
ecosystem

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Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many people think that the behavior of professional sportsmen off the field is not important as long as they are good players. To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better for children than watching TV or playing computer games.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Subtleties of banking: understanding the interdependence of depositors and borrowers.

People who have original ideas are of much greater value to society than those who are simply able to copy the ideas of others well. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people claim that goverments should be responsible for taking care of the essential needs of the elderly, while others argue that it should be the elderly that should do so. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.