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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the "Minfeatures, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the "Minfeatures, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#proportion #population #three #countries #summarise #information #minfeatures #comparisons
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The
poly line
Correct your spelling
polyline
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 illustrates the percentage of people aged 65 years and over in three countries namely
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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, Sweden, and Japan from 1940 to 2040.
Overall
 it can be seen that all three countries witnessed a significant increase during
whole
Add an article
the whole
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 period of
year
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the year
a year
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.
To begin
with
Add a comma
with,
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 between 1940 and 1960 both USA and Sweden saw a similar trend until
in
Change preposition
apply
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2000 which saw the same percentage of
population
Add an article
the population
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 which was around 15%
then
 Sweden had a slight decline around 16% and
then
 kept
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
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 until
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
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 a peak
approximately
Change preposition
of approximately
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 23% ,
while
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 kept increased in 2020 around 20% and
then
 saw a slight decline around 18% in 2023 followed with a significant increased in 2040 approximately 25%.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the other hand, Japan
was
Verb problem
had
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 the lowest number of people which stood at 5% in 1940 after that it
drpoped
Correct your spelling
dropped
 dim the following four years the most interesting point
that
Add a missing verb
was that
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 in 2023
had
Verb problem
there was
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 a dramatic
increased
Replace the word
increase
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 to reach a peak at 29%.
Submitted by maha.wed on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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