IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, women are allowed to take maternity leave from their jobs during the first year after the birth of their baby. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #women #maternity #jobs #first #year #birth #baby #outweigh
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One-year maternity leave is implemented in numerous countries as of
birthgiving
Correct your spelling
birth
.
Although
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such
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 a long period of
abscence
Correct your spelling
absence
 impairs
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
, taking
care
Use synonyms
 of newborns by mothers is vital. From my perspective, infant
care
Use synonyms
 is fairly more significant than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
manpower, since the loss of manpower can be tolerated. Over the course of
Correct article usage
a 15-years
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15-years
Correct your spelling
15-year
 span, the proportion of women in
worklife
Correct your spelling
work life
 has increased dramatically.
While
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this
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 ratio was scarcely more than 20 per cent previously, nowadays, the number of male and female employees is nearly equalized. In
this
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 context, pregnancy has increased its importance.
Due to
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 the requirement
that
Change preposition
of
show examples
 at least one year of meticulous childcare, companies face hardships related to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of staff. Correlated to the scale of companies, challenges are likely to be bigger. Consider a restaurant which operates with
five-people
Correct word choice
five-person
show examples
 staff. The
abscence
Correct your spelling
absence
 of one of them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 hardens that establishment's workflow. A newborn,
however
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,
constanly
Correct your spelling
constantly
 needs meticulous
care
Use synonyms
.
This
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 utterly important responsibility must be carried out by
mother
Correct article usage
the mother
show examples
 with utmost sensitivity. There are challenging tasks that must be done punctually,
such
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 as following short sleeping
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
,
brestfeeding
Correct your spelling
breastfeeding
 and diapering. As
baby
Correct article usage
a baby
show examples
 needs to be taken
care
Use synonyms
 of most in
one-year
Add an article
a one-year
show examples
 period, fulfilling these requirements is of paramount importance to parentship.
Furthermore
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, the relationship between mother and baby begins in infancy.
This
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 is
also
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fairly
Add an article
the fairly
a fairly
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 significant reality that must not be ignored, in order to cultivate healthy generations.
Consequently
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, employers may find a replacement for missing staff; yet, babies cannot do the same for their mothers. In conclusion, it is a fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
birth leave leads to
decrement
Add an article
a decrement
show examples
 in
workforce
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the workforce
show examples
;
however
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, early childcare can be carried out by
non
Correct your spelling
none
show examples
 other than
mother
Correct article usage
the mother
show examples
 herself.
For
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this
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 reason, the maternity leave is more beneficial.
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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, consider providing more specific examples or data to support your points.
clarity
Clarify your argument regarding how the absence of manpower 'can be tolerated' with clearer logic and examples.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure all sections of your essay provide a seamless flow of ideas, linking each point more cohesively.
organization
Your essay has a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion, outlining the main argument effectively.
content quality
The relationship between the mother and baby and its long-term importance is well-articulated, emphasizing the need for maternity leave.
vocabulary
The use of some advanced vocabulary and phrases strengthens the quality of your writing.
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