IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Parents should be punished fort he crimes of their children. To what extend do you agree?

#parents #fort #crimes #children
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Nowadays some people believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 should be held guilty for every crime their
children
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 commit.
This
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 essay will
defense
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defend
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this
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assesment
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assessment
 with two main reasons. From infancy to adolescence,
Children
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 tend to do what they see their
parents
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 do. They try to use the same words
what
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that
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 their
parents
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 use
while
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 they are speaking with them or the others. It is the same for movements, behaviours etc. Prof. David Sunflower who is working as
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a pycologist
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pycologist
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psychologist
 for
the
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apply
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Colorado
university
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University
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have
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has
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 an important study about
this
Linking Words
. He
choose
Wrong verb form
chose
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 150
prisoner
Change to a plural noun
prisoners
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 and
nvestigated
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investigated
investigate
 how many of them had a parent with a criminal record. The results were not surprising. 148 of these
prisioners
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prisoners
 had a mother or/and a father who had been convicted at least once. The number of
parents
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 who really care about what their
children
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 do is not many.
Especialy
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Especially
 after the
children
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 start their
educationn
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education
 life the
parents
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 stop paying attention to their
children
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 because they are constantly studying or involved in school activities. In the second part of the study of Prof. David
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Sunflower
Suunflower
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Suunflower,
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 it is seen that all the
participant
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participants
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 had a poor relationship with their
parents
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intheir
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in their
 youth. In Conclusion,
parents
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 should be responsible and judged for the crimes of their
children
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 because the
children
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 copy what their
parents
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 do and the
parents
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 should more care and check what their
children
Use synonyms
 do.
Submitted by e.yildizhundur on

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Coherence & Paragraph Cohesion
Your essay is generally clear, but consider refining your arguments for better coherence. Ensure that each point logically leads to the next to maintain the reader's attention.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points more thoroughly with additional support or examples. You can reference a wider variety of studies or real-world examples to strengthen your arguments.
General Advice
Make sure to proofread for small errors in spelling and grammar to enhance your credibility and make the essay easier to read.
Introduction & Conclusion
You present a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the essay effectively.
Relevant Examples
The use of a specific study adds credibility and a concrete example to your argument.
Task Fulfillment
Your essay addresses both the question prompt and related issues, showing an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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