IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that mining resources in space will be the key to solving Earth's resource shortages, while others argue that it poses significant risks and challenges. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #resources #space #earth #resource #shortages #risks #challenges
While
 one school of thought holds that the extraction of
resources
 on
Earth
, others are of the opinion that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 have to deal with certain hurdles.
This
 essay will first closely examine both viewpoints before concluding that I agree with the latter. On the one hand, it is understandable why some people propose that
space
 mining could be the key to the crisis on
Earth
. The primary reason behind
this
 thinking is that minerals are finite and non-renewable so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 have to find alternative precious materials in outer
space
. Regarding an experiment about
resources
 on other planets, researchers explore that there exists
abundance
Add an article
an abundance
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 of metals, a rare mineral
Correct pronoun usage
that contribute
show examples
contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
show examples
 to the production of smartphone and technology devices.
Therefore
,
space
 mining would be a potential solution to solve
this
 problem. Another reason is that the
resources
 exploitation
outspace
Correct your spelling
in space
 could reduce environmental impact. To be more specific,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extracting
resources
 on
Earth
 leaves a variety of negative effects
such
 as releasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
carbon dioxide
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the atmosphere and depleting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
precious materials. Once
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 alternative minerals out of
Earth
, the harmful influences are shifted to these
space
 objects.
On the other hand
, I side with those who believe that mining
resources
 from
space
 could cause significant challenges to
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. I am convinced that there exists a great deal of obstacles which people have to face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
when doing
space
 mining. Perhaps the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
foremost reason would be detrimental impacts on human health. Specifically, mining minerals from
space
 is a long-term and risky mission that could wreak havoc on
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 of miners
such
 as bone density loss or muscle
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trophy owing to the lack of gravity and non-excercise frequently.
Secondly
,
space
 mining brings significant challenges,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 the upfront costs or
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
 of cutting-edge technology. It is widely known that the extraction of materials in outer
space
 lasts a long interval since people do not know exactly whether it will succeed or not. Nowadays, our technological
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 for
space
 mining
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to be developed more in order to be sufficient. In conclusion,
while
 there are justifications for advocating
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of
space
 mining, I would contend that
this
 method is not practical to solve
Earth
's resource problem.
Submitted by ng.hg.ly28 on

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task achievement
Expand on examples to directly support the main argument and enhance task achievement.
task achievement
Develop ideas more comprehensively to provide a fuller response to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Improve logical transition between points to ensure the essay flows smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all ideas are clearly explained with sufficient elaboration and detail.
coherence and cohesion
Clear structure with an introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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