IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that mining resources in space will be the key to solving Earth's resource shortages, while others argue that it poses significant risks and challenges. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #resources #space #earth #resource #shortages #risks #challenges
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While
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 one school of thought holds that the extraction of
resources
Use synonyms
 on
Earth
Use synonyms
, others are of the opinion that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 have to deal with certain hurdles.
This
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 essay will first closely examine both viewpoints before concluding that I agree with the latter. On the one hand, it is understandable why some people propose that
space
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 mining could be the key to the crisis on
Earth
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. The primary reason behind
this
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 thinking is that minerals are finite and non-renewable so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 have to find alternative precious materials in outer
space
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. Regarding an experiment about
resources
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 on other planets, researchers explore that there exists
abundance
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an abundance
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 of metals, a rare mineral
Correct pronoun usage
that contribute
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contribute
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contributes
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 to the production of smartphone and technology devices.
Therefore
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,
space
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 mining would be a potential solution to solve
this
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 problem. Another reason is that the
resources
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 exploitation
outspace
Correct your spelling
in space
 could reduce environmental impact. To be more specific,
the
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apply
show examples
extracting
resources
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 on
Earth
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 leaves a variety of negative effects
such
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 as releasing
the
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apply
show examples
carbon dioxide
to
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into
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 the atmosphere and depleting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
precious materials. Once
human
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humans
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found
Wrong verb form
find
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 alternative minerals out of
Earth
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, the harmful influences are shifted to these
space
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 objects.
On the other hand
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, I side with those who believe that mining
resources
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 from
space
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 could cause significant challenges to
human
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humans
show examples
. I am convinced that there exists a great deal of obstacles which people have to face
with
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apply
show examples
when doing
space
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 mining. Perhaps the
most
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apply
show examples
foremost reason would be detrimental impacts on human health. Specifically, mining minerals from
space
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 is a long-term and risky mission that could wreak havoc on
health
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the health
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 of miners
such
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 as bone density loss or muscle
a
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apply
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trophy owing to the lack of gravity and non-excercise frequently.
Secondly
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,
space
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 mining brings significant challenges,
for
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example
Add the comma(s)
example,
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 the upfront costs or
limitation
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limitations
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 of cutting-edge technology. It is widely known that the extraction of materials in outer
space
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 lasts a long interval since people do not know exactly whether it will succeed or not. Nowadays, our technological
equipments
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equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 for
space
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 mining
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to be developed more in order to be sufficient. In conclusion,
while
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 there are justifications for advocating
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 of
space
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 mining, I would contend that
this
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 method is not practical to solve
Earth
Use synonyms
's resource problem.
Submitted by ng.hg.ly28 on

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task achievement
Expand on examples to directly support the main argument and enhance task achievement.
task achievement
Develop ideas more comprehensively to provide a fuller response to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Improve logical transition between points to ensure the essay flows smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all ideas are clearly explained with sufficient elaboration and detail.
coherence and cohesion
Clear structure with an introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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