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Band 4.5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did the training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country
In the
cotemporary
Correct your spelling
contemporary
show examples
 epoch, some individuals believe that affluent
countries
 should not employ skilled
workers
 who are from poor
countries
 because these developing
countries
 need their workforce. I wholeheartedly disagree with
this
 viewpoint and in the
Correct your spelling
following
follwing
Add a comma
follwing,
show examples
 my standpoint will be elaborated. First of all, government officials of developed
countries
 must consider their
countries
'
profit
Fix the agreement mistake
profits
show examples
 and do their best for the advancement of their societies.
Hence
, they should utilize sophisticated
workers
 irrespective of where are they from to make their
countries
 a desirable place for their dwellers.
Thus
, not only must they employ skilled
workers
, but they
also
 should prioritize their expenditure on
this
 issue to attract more skilled
workers
. They owing to their capabilities can contribute to several activities
for instance
 they are able to do constructive tasks or some of them have abilities to alleviate the residents' pain. (Poor language and development)
On the other hand
, government officials of
poverished
Correct your spelling
impoverished
countries
 must provide the circumstance that
motivate
Correct subject-verb agreement
motivates
show examples
these workforce
Change the determiner
this workforce
these workforces
show examples
 (Not to stay in their
countries
.
Thus
, as mentioned, it is the duty of the governments of poor
countries
 to retain these prime
workers
 who can help them (
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
) thrive in several sectors.
However
, in my opinion, in some specific situations
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 these poor
countries
 undergo some challenges
such
 as starvation, pollution, and deficiency of homes, developed
countries
 must restrict the entrance of their sophisticated
workers
.
Overall
,
although
 in a few
situations
Add a comma
situations,
show examples
 it is not fair to (Proper connection) utilize foreign
workers
 who have several abilities, developed
countries
 must commonly utilize them for the betterment of their situations in their
countries
.
Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear point of view and attempts to address both views. However, there is a slight inconsistency in how you interpreted the topic. Make sure the whole essay reflects the initial topic accurately, which is about whether professionals should work in their training country or not. Focus more on addressing this core issue as assigned.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are detailed and expanded upon comprehensively with relevant, specific examples related to the topic. For instance, consider discussing specific benefits or downsides of trained individuals staying or leaving the country to provide more depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow of your arguments. While paragraphs are present, some ideas jump quickly without thorough linking phrases or adequate transitions, making it less coherent to follow.
introduction conclusion present
You successfully provided an introduction that sets the stage for your discussion and presents your standpoint.
introduction conclusion present
You included a conclusion that attempts to summarize the stance and points made, which provides closure to your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
What to do next:
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