IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full time or part time.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full time or part time.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of people, divided by gender, who
pursue
Wrong verb form
pursued
show examples
 full-time and part-time
education
Use synonyms
 in Britain from 1970 to 1990.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of men and women who had full-time
education
Use synonyms
 was notably higher than part-time during the period given. There were 1000 male
students
Use synonyms
 who enrolled in full-time
education
Use synonyms
 in 1970. During the next 20 years,
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 had
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 downward trend but it still allocated for more than 800
students
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there were only one out of ten male
students
Use synonyms
 who signed up for part-time
education
Use synonyms
. It increased slightly to around 180
students
Use synonyms
 in 1980 and ended with just above 200
students
Use synonyms
. The
number
Use synonyms
 of female
students
Use synonyms
 studying full-time
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gradual increase
Replace the word
gradually increased
show examples
 over the years. It started with around 750
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
, grew to around 800
students
Use synonyms
 and reached its peak with 1100
students
Use synonyms
. Part-time female
students
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 had an upward trend. In 1970, less than 100 female
students
Use synonyms
 chose part-time
education
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 rose for the next two decades allocating
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around 200
students
Use synonyms
 in both
period
Change to a plural noun
periods
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, education, students with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • further education
  • full-time study
  • part-time study
  • trend
  • overall number
  • time period
  • gender differences
  • increase
  • decrease
  • analyze
  • evaluate
  • societal changes
  • economic factors
  • educational policies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: