IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full time or part time.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full time or part time.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The diagram depicts the
number
Use synonyms
 of men and women in higher
education
Use synonyms
 in the UK between three distinct periods and their classification whether as a full-time or part-time student. To commence, by 1970-1971 the
number
Use synonyms
 of male part-time
students
Use synonyms
 was substantially high at 1.000.000
students
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 those who studied full-time were ten times lower at approximately 100.000
students
Use synonyms
, indicating a notable disparity. By 1980-1981,
although
Linking Words
 part-time male
students
Use synonyms
 slightly decreased to just above 800.000, those who took part in full-time
education
Use synonyms
 almost doubled to around 200.000. In 1990-1991, part-time enrollment increased by about 50.000 more compared to the previous year,
while
Linking Words
 full-time
students
Use synonyms
 continued to grow remarkably to nearly 200.000
students
Use synonyms
.
Conversely
Linking Words
, for female
students
Use synonyms
 in 1970-1971, the
number
Use synonyms
 of female learners was considerably high at almost 800.000
students
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 full-time
students
Use synonyms
 were almost eight times lower at around 50.000
students
Use synonyms
, illustrating a significant gap.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, by 1980-1981, part-time female enrollment rose by 50.000, and those who participated in part-time were four times
numerous
Correct quantifier usage
more numerous
show examples
 than in 1970-1971. By 1990-1991 the
number
Use synonyms
 of females who participated in part-time
education
Use synonyms
 and full-time
education
Use synonyms
 continued to increase, climbing to approximately 1.000.000 and 250.000 respectively. To encapsulate, the data reveals there was a fluctuation in male part-time enrollment,
whereas
Linking Words
 male full-time and female
students
Use synonyms
 in part-time
as well as
Linking Words
 full-time
education
Use synonyms
 surged throughout the period.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, education, students with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • further education
  • full-time study
  • part-time study
  • trend
  • overall number
  • time period
  • gender differences
  • increase
  • decrease
  • analyze
  • evaluate
  • societal changes
  • economic factors
  • educational policies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: