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Band 5

Some people think that the Olympic Games is an exciting event and can bring nations together. Others, however, think that it is a waste of money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinio

#people #olympic #games #event #nations #waste #money #opinio
Some
people
 believe that
Olympic
Games
 which excite most
people
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
significant importance
to get
Change preposition
in getting
show examples
people
 together
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others think it is an unnecessary organization where
money
 is wasted.
This
 essay will demonstrate both sides.
While
 acknowledging that the budget is huge for
this
event
 I certainly think it is
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 way to bring
people
 together. On the one
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 the budget should be big enough for
event
 advertisements, providing accommodation for athletes etc. Most
people
 think that the many should
be use
Change the verb form
be used
show examples
 for global issues like global warming or
starving
Replace the word
starvation
show examples
 problems.
According to
 BBC
Add a comma
news,
show examples
news
Capitalize word
News
show examples
 the
money
 used for the 2022
Olympic
Games
 is more than ten thousand
dolars
Correct your spelling
dollars
. Ten million
tree
Fix the agreement mistake
trees
show examples
 will
be plant
Change the verb form
be planted
show examples
 with
this
money
.
On the other hand
, during the
Olympic
Games
Add a comma
Games,
show examples
 everyone around the world only
watch
Change the verb form
watches
show examples
this
event
 and
talk
Correct subject-verb agreement
talks
show examples
 about it.
People
 have
a common topics
Correct the article-noun agreement
common topics
a common topic
show examples
 to talk about and it brings them together to watch
this
event
. They congratulate each other
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the nation's success and it helps to start new friendships.
For instance
, one of my
friend
Change to a plural noun
friends
show examples
 met five foreign
people
 during the
Olympic
Games
 in 2016 and he still
keep
Change the verb form
keeps
show examples
to talk
Change the verb form
talking
show examples
 with them. I
hae
Correct your spelling
have
had
 already met two of them. There is no
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
event
 which has
this
 effect on
people
. In conclusion,
Although
,
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much
money
 is
spending
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
Games
,
it is clear that
 it has a good effect on
people
. it helps
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 connect with each other and start new friendships.
Submitted by e.yildizhundur on

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grammatical accuracy
Ensure that grammatical errors such as incorrect verb forms ('is spending' should be 'is spent') and typos ('many' should be 'money', 'dolars' should be 'dollars', 'plant' should be 'planted', 'to' should be 'too', etc.) are minimized. These minor errors can sometimes distract the reader from the main argument.
supporting ideas
Consider providing more detailed examples or evidence that directly support your argument. For example, explain not only how a friend met new people during the Olympics but perhaps also how these friendships were beneficial.
cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly addresses a specific aspect of the topic, with smooth transitions between different points of discussion. This will further enhance the logical flow of your essay.
structure
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining the significance and impact of the Olympic Games on bringing people together versus the financial considerations.
balance of argument
The piece discusses both sides of the argument effectively, providing a balanced view of the topic.
use of examples
Your personal experience example about meeting new friends during the Olympic Games adds a personal touch and makes your argument more relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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