Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and intrests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this infomation may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Some people believe that giving individual details like their marital and
hobies
Correct your spelling
hobbies
statues
about themself to the companies that they apply for a job is not necessary Correct your spelling
status
while
the
others think they may make Correct article usage
apply
a
sense. Correct article usage
apply
This
essay will discuss both sides although
I believe it is not safe to gie
Correct your spelling
give
tehese
Correct your spelling
these
information
on the applyin
process.
On the one hand, Many companies try to improve their Correct your spelling
applying
employees
work-life balance. Because of that Human resources Change to a genitive case
employee's
employees'
depertments
try to collect the relevant Correct your spelling
departments
department
informations
about their Change the wording
information
pieces of information
employees
and Change noun form
employee's
employees'
candidates
daily Change noun form
candidates'
candidate's
lifes
like the activities that they like to do or whether they have a Correct your spelling
lives
a
child. They try to do personal working schedules with Remove the redundancy
apply
this
individual informations
. For Correct your spelling
information
examle
, Tesla will Correct your spelling
example
revised
the working hours for Change the verb form
revise
ones
who have Correct pronoun usage
those
a children
. It seems logical if they only asked Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
Change preposition
for this
this
Change the determiner
this information
these informations
informations
from their current employee.
On the other hand
, Someone who is only a candidate for this
company
will not want to give this special
Change the determiner
this special information
these special informations
informations
. If the candidate's aply
is not accepted it is not clear Correct your spelling
application
that
what the Correct word choice
apply
company
will do with these personal
Change the determiner
this personal information
information
. There is a risk in
Change preposition
at
this
point. For instance
, according to
the BBC News last
year eighty thousand people's persoal
Correct your spelling
personal
information
was sold to a research company
in Turkiye.
In conclusion, Although
it is knon
that Correct your spelling
known
the
companies ask for Correct article usage
apply
indiual
Correct your spelling
individual
information
to
their employee candidates for a good reason. It will not Change preposition
from
safe
Add a missing verb
be safe
giving
them Change the verb form
to give
on
Correct your spelling
an
aplying
process because it is not known what the Correct your spelling
applying
company
is going to do with them.Submitted by e.yildizhundur on
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language
Proofread for spelling and grammatical errors to enhance clarity (e.g., 'apply' instead of 'aply', 'give' instead of 'gie', 'marital and hobies statues' instead of 'marital and hobbies status').
content
Provide more examples or evidence for each viewpoint to strengthen the arguments. Consider hypothetical scenarios or statistical data if real examples are unavailable.
structure
You've effectively introduced both sides of the argument, setting the stage for a balanced discussion.
content
You've used a good example (Tesla) in supporting why some companies may want personal information.
structure
You've concluded by restating your position clearly, which helps in reinforcing your opinion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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