IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Write a letter to bank manager about some problemm relatad to your bank account. Explain — i, The whole problem in detail is What has led to search a situation Also, make a reguest to overcome this problem at the earliest as possible

#bank #manager #problemm #relatad #account #detail #search #situation #reguest
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Dear Sir/Madam Hope
this
 letter finds you well, I am writing
this
 letter to tell you
a
Change preposition
about a
show examples
problem which
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
am
Verb problem
have
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 currently facing
in
Change preposition
with
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 my bank account
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
last
Correct article usage
the last
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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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week. Actually, when I open my personal banking I
could
Verb problem
am
show examples
 able to see my current balance and
besides
this
 ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am not able to transfer my money to my father.
Furthermore
, one of my
friend
Change to a plural noun
friends
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has send
Wrong verb form
sent
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 me money two days ago that amount is
also
 not reflected in my account.
In addition
 to
this
 letter. I am going to attach my all personal details
along with
 my bank details my personal net banking customer
id
Correct your spelling
ID
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 and
password
Correct pronoun usage
my password
show examples
 . hopeful to see a
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
 response from your side as soon as possible.
your
Correct the word
yours
show examples
 sincerely, Navdeep
Submitted by navdeepbajaj89 on

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coherence cohesion
The letter describes the problem clearly but could benefit from clearer paragraph distinctions for each idea.
task achievement
It would be helpful to provide more details about what you expect the bank manager to do.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are appropriately used, adding to the formality of the letter.
task achievement
The letter maintains a formal tone throughout, suitable for addressing a bank manager.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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