Animals are always better off the wild. Do you agree or disagree?
Some people believe that in most
of
Change preposition
apply
the
cases Correct article usage
apply
animals
living
greater Wrong verb form
live
off
the wild rather than in the wild. Change preposition
in
While
zoos
and sanctuarys
provide Correct your spelling
sanctuaries
sanctuary
the
safe place, consistent food and first aid if needed, many Correct article usage
a
argues
that there are more benefits of Change the verb form
argue
animals
living in wild
.Correct article usage
the wild
This
essay totally disagrees with that statement. I, personally, believe that animals
degrade in zoos
and keeping
them in Wrong verb form
keep
zoos
destroying whole
Change the article
the whole
ecosystem
.
Predators that inhabit zoos
and sanctuarys
usually Correct your spelling
sanctuaries
sanctuary
dont
have Correct your spelling
don't
right
conditions for their traditional life. Correct article usage
the right
This
causes degradation for them as creatures that get used to hunt
and always putting effort Change the verb form
hunting
for
living. Change preposition
into
For example
, wild cat typed
mammals Correct your spelling
cat-type
such
as wild lions and irbises have sharp claws, teeths
and thick skin. AllCorrect your spelling
teeth
Change the determiner
these
this
features can be explained in terms of they are predators that consistently hunting
. But, if we Wrong verb form
hunt
will
look at cats that we claim as our pets, there are huge differences between them. Because, they Verb problem
apply
dont
need to hunt, inhabit in extreme weather and simply encounter other Correct your spelling
don't
preadtors
. So, Correct your spelling
predators
this
prove
the fact that Change the verb form
proves
animals
usually degrade in comfort
conditions of living.
Correct article usage
the comfort
Lack
of Correct article usage
The lack
animals
in wild life
is Correct your spelling
wildlife
vital
problem. Because
our nature are perfectly balanced system and even Add an article
a vital
disappearance
or lack of one class of creatures can lead to Correct article usage
the disappearance
wholly
destroyed Correct article usage
a wholly
ecosystem
. For instance
, there are a termin
called food Correct your spelling
terminals
chain
. So, if one ring of the Fix the agreement mistake
chains
chain
will be
Wrong verb form
is
broke
, Correct your spelling
broken
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
chain
gonna
break. Our Wrong verb form
is going to
ecosystem
runs the same principle. In other words
, if majority
of wildlife Add an article
the majority
a majority
inhaitats
Correct your spelling
habitats
inhabitants
will be
placed in Wrong verb form
are
zoos
, the chain
will be broken. As a consequence
, predators won't be able to hunt other animals
, their dead bodies will not fertilize soil
and soil won't treat the plants. So, Correct article usage
the soil
its
Correct your spelling
it's
crucual
to keep Correct your spelling
crucial
this
system in balance.
To conclude
, it is better to keep animals
in wild
so they will not have negative effects of degradation and ruined Correct article usage
the wild
ecosystem
.Fix the agreement mistake
ecosystems
Submitted by a.seytzhanova on
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task achievement
The essay clearly states a position on the topic and attempts to support it with arguments. However, there are instances where the ideas could be more fully developed, offering more detailed examples or expanding on the explanation of certain points.
coherence cohesion
While each paragraph of the essay generally focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, there needs to be a more explicit linkage between main points, with transitions that guide the reader through the argument. Introducing more connective phrases may help in enhancing the flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction that sets up the topic and position, as well as a conclusion that summarizes the argument effectively. This showcases a good understanding of structure.
task achievement
The essay raises some insightful points about the potential drawbacks of keeping animals in captivity, particularly on the topic of ecosystem balance and animal behavior.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example