IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Animals are always better off the wild. Do you agree or disagree?

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Some people believe that in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cases
animals
Use synonyms
living
Wrong verb form
live
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 greater
off
Change preposition
in
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 the wild rather than in the wild.
While
Linking Words
zoos
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 and
sanctuarys
Correct your spelling
sanctuaries
sanctuary
 provide
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 safe place, consistent food and first aid if needed, many
argues
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argue
show examples
 that there are more benefits of
animals
Use synonyms
 living in
wild
Correct article usage
the wild
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay totally disagrees with that statement. I, personally, believe that
animals
Use synonyms
 degrade in
zoos
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 and
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
 them in
zoos
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 destroying
whole
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the whole
show examples
ecosystem
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. Predators that inhabit
zoos
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 and
sanctuarys
Correct your spelling
sanctuaries
sanctuary
 usually
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 have
right
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the right
show examples
 conditions for their traditional life.
This
Linking Words
 causes degradation for them as creatures that get used to
hunt
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hunting
show examples
 and always putting effort
for
Change preposition
into
show examples
 living.
For example
Linking Words
, wild
cat typed
Correct your spelling
cat-type
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 mammals
such
Linking Words
 as wild lions and irbises have sharp claws,
teeths
Correct your spelling
teeth
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 and thick skin. All
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these
show examples
this
Linking Words
 features can be explained in terms of they are predators that consistently
hunting
Wrong verb form
hunt
show examples
. But, if we
will
Verb problem
apply
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look at cats that we claim as our pets, there are huge differences between them. Because, they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 need to hunt, inhabit in extreme weather and simply encounter other
preadtors
Correct your spelling
predators
. So,
this
Linking Words
prove
Change the verb form
proves
show examples
 the fact that
animals
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 usually degrade in
comfort
Correct article usage
the comfort
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 conditions of living.
Lack
Correct article usage
The lack
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 of
animals
Use synonyms
 in
wild life
Correct your spelling
wildlife
show examples
 is
vital
Add an article
a vital
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 problem. Because our nature are perfectly balanced system and even
disappearance
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the disappearance
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 or lack of one class of creatures can lead to
wholly
Correct article usage
a wholly
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 destroyed
ecosystem
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are
a termin
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terminals
 called food
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chain
Fix the agreement mistake
chains
show examples
. So, if one ring of the
chain
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will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
broke
Correct your spelling
broken
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,
whole
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the whole
show examples
chain
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gonna
Wrong verb form
is going to
show examples
 break. Our
ecosystem
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 runs the same principle.
In other words
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, if
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of wildlife
inhaitats
Correct your spelling
habitats
inhabitants
will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 placed in
zoos
Use synonyms
, the
chain
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 will be broken.
As a consequence
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, predators won't be able to hunt other
animals
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, their dead bodies will not fertilize
soil
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the soil
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 and soil won't treat the plants. So,
its
Correct your spelling
it's
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crucual
Correct your spelling
crucial
 to keep
this
Linking Words
 system in balance.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it is better to keep
animals
Use synonyms
 in
wild
Correct article usage
the wild
show examples
 so they will not have negative effects of degradation and ruined
Use synonyms
ecosystem
Fix the agreement mistake
ecosystems
show examples
.

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task achievement
The essay clearly states a position on the topic and attempts to support it with arguments. However, there are instances where the ideas could be more fully developed, offering more detailed examples or expanding on the explanation of certain points.
coherence cohesion
While each paragraph of the essay generally focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, there needs to be a more explicit linkage between main points, with transitions that guide the reader through the argument. Introducing more connective phrases may help in enhancing the flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction that sets up the topic and position, as well as a conclusion that summarizes the argument effectively. This showcases a good understanding of structure.
task achievement
The essay raises some insightful points about the potential drawbacks of keeping animals in captivity, particularly on the topic of ecosystem balance and animal behavior.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • natural habitats
  • ecological balance
  • biodiversity
  • confinement
  • natural stimuli
  • psychological problems
  • genetic homogeneity
  • environmental changes
  • adapt and evolve
  • survival of the fittest
  • social structures
  • communication patterns
What to do next:
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