Nowadays, children spend too much time watching TV and playing computer games. Some people believe this has negative effects on children's mental abilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree？
Nowadays
children
spend too much time
watching TV and playing computer games, and while
some people think that this
has a negative impact on children
's intelligence, I largely agree with them, and I will talk about them in terms of both physical and mental health
.
In terms of physical health
, if children
use electronic products, such
as computers and televisions for a long time
, their eyes
will be tired from looking at blue screens for a long time
, and children
will have the opportunity to suffer from eyes
diseases Fix the agreement mistake
eye
will
have the opportunity to suffer from Verb problem
apply
eyes
diseases such
as glaucoma and nearsightedness, which will affect the development and health
of children
's eyes
. In addition
, children
sitting in chairs for a long time
playing computer games or watching TV will lead to increased
risk of multiple chronic diseases and neck and back muscle fatigue Correct article usage
an increased
due to
long-trem
sitting and not exercising, which can affect the physical Correct your spelling
long-term
health
of young children
.
In terms of mental, some psychologists said that if children
watching
TV or Wrong verb form
watch
playing
computer games for a long Wrong verb form
play
time
, the watchtube will be excited by watching the electronic screen, and it under
the strong influence of the screen, and it will Add a missing verb
is under
also
increase the chance of the children
suffering from overactivity. In addition
, some psychologists have pointed out that if young children
are overly addicted to the online world
, they will appear in a state of maxing the
real Change preposition
out the
world
with the virtual world
, which is also
what we call a mental illness as
fantasy. Change preposition
apply
This
type of psychosis refers to the inabillity
of young Correct your spelling
inability
children
to determine for themselves whether they are in a real imaginary world
, and they will bring many objects from the imaginary world
into the real world
through fantasy, and this
mental illness will affect the intelligence of young children
to a large extent.Submitted by asllchkied on
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task achievement
While the essay provides a clear stance, it could benefit from a more nuanced discussion of the opposing views and a clearer concession to increase balance.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and logically connects to the next paragraph. This will improve the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
Clarify your points with more specific examples or evidence to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both physical and mental aspects, covering a broad range related to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Each body paragraph focuses on a specific aspect, maintaining a clear structure in presenting arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.