In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.
It is true that at present, many countries have a relatively large number of young adults compared
to the number of older
people
. Bangladesh, Pakistan, India, and Yemen are such
examples.I believe this
situation is more advantageous if the countries can utilise their populations.
On the one hand, this
situation can be advantageous in many ways. First,
it is good for the economy. A strong and growing economy needs enough workforce. When human resources are there, machines in factories do not remain idle. Second,
young people
work. They make money. And the state
takes a cut from their incomes. As a result
, state
revenue increases, which the state
can use for various development purposes such
as to build a new port or road. Third,
people
in their teens and early 20s are generally healthy. States do not need to spend enormous amount
of money for their healthcare. Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
In addition
, social security expenditures are generally low because young people
are usually givers to the states, not takers.
On the other hand
, more young adults in the population mix are not without potential problems.To begin
with, teenagers need some time to enter the workforce. Before that
they need to be educated and trained, which Add a comma
that,
cost
. Wrong verb form
costs
This
is either borne by their parents directly or indirectly through taxation. In addition
, after they graduate, they need jobs. If the job market is weak, many would
become unemployed or underemployed. This
situation can lead to negative consequences such
as frustration among them, drug violence and even severe social unrest.
In conclusion, if managed properly, young people
are an asset for
a Change preposition
to
state
. They are good for the
economy and give hopes
to a nation.Fix the agreement mistake
hope
Submitted by mdtipusultanakhand on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This can strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that all points are fully developed with comprehensive ideas. Address potential counterarguments or alternative views to enrich the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Consider the overall balance of the essay. Make sure each paragraph connects smoothly with the next to maximize coherence. Transitional phrases can enhance flow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, which enhances the overall clarity and comprehension.
task achievement
You offer a well-rounded response to the prompt, addressing both advantages and potential disadvantages of having a young population.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, effectively framing your argument and providing a concise summary without unnecessary repetition.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!