Present time the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults coma compared with the number of older people does the advantage of this situation outweigh the disadvantages.
Nowadays,
population
of Add an article
the population
people
in various countries tend to be increased
in young adults getting Wrong verb form
increase
coma
rather than older Fix the agreement mistake
comas
people
. Some people
thought this
incident is
Verb problem
would
leading
to a catastrophe in the future Wrong verb form
lead
due to
younger age get gap getting sick. On the other hand
, some people
thought
Wrong verb form
think
this
circumstance infers
that older Verb problem
implies
people
have no need for medical treatment anymore and its
a sign Correct your spelling
it's
for
the better in hospitality Change preposition
of
technology
. In my opinion, the drawback
outweigh the Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
advantage
.
Normally, adolescents tend to be stronger than old folk Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
due to
their biological structure still in
shape and Add a missing verb
being in
compare
to the old that have passed their erosion Wrong verb form
compared
such
as back pain and
etc. newer Correct word choice
apply
people
are more determined. Then
if the younger population is having a coma
that would be unusual since coma
mostly affect
in adulthood to late old. There may be a lot of reasons Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
for instance
overload work or no work life
balance. Add a hyphen
work-life
This
lead
young Replace the word
leads
people
to be in coma
state faster than they should and Correct article usage
a coma
its
a bad sign for future Replace the word
it's
it is
generation
.
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
However
, some people
think otherwise
. They thought the result come
from an Wrong verb form
came
advanced
in modern Replace the word
advancement
technology
that make older people
who mostly have been treated before less likely to be in coma
. As for younger Add an article
a coma
people
, they presumed that these new don't have been treated to newest
hospitality yet Correct article usage
the newest
such
as vaccination or examination. Hence
, why there are more the
young who Change preposition
of the
felt
Wrong verb form
feel
coma
than the old.
After they recieve treatmet
correctly they will gain their strength back and their immune system will be better than Correct your spelling
receive treatment
bofore
leading to less illness.
Correct your spelling
before
Altough
some may argue that if the circumstance is solely coming from advancing modern Correct your spelling
Although
technology
then
why younger
Add a missing verb
do younger
people
still have coma
Correct article usage
a coma
.
Change the punctuation
?
Instead
, the overall
popualtion
getting Correct your spelling
population
coma
should decline for all age
as Fix the agreement mistake
ages
the
Correct article usage
apply
technology
advance
for everyone.
In conclusion, the younger population tend to be in Correct subject-verb agreement
advances
coma
than the old Add an article
a coma
lead
to Replace the word
leading
be sign
Wrong verb form
signs
for advancing
in Change preposition
of advances
technology
. In contrast
, it aslo
refers to an overload Correct your spelling
also
this
young gerneration
has to go through. Correct your spelling
generation
Moreover
, the technology
advancing may not be appliable
Replace the word
applicable
for
every age gap. Change preposition
to
Hence
, the more drawbacks from
Change preposition
to
this
situation.Submitted by krittaphastaishan on
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task response
Your essay addresses the topic, but the main points could be explained with more clarity and precision. Work on ensuring that your arguments are fully developed and supported with precise examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of the essay. Some sections feel disjointed or lack smooth transitions. Use transitional phrases and logical connectors to better guide the reader through your arguments.
task response
Further support your main points with specific examples or factual details to enhance your discussion. This will make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and summarize the main ideas, which is important for overall cohesion.
task achievement
Your essay attempts to discuss both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of different perspectives.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.