Present time the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults coma compared with the number of older people does the advantage of this situation outweigh the disadvantages.
Nowadays,
population
of Add an article
the population
people
in various countries tend to Use synonyms
be increased
in young adults getting Wrong verb form
increase
Use synonyms
coma
rather than older Fix the agreement mistake
comas
people
. Some Use synonyms
people
thought Use synonyms
this
incident Linking Words
is
Verb problem
would
leading
to a catastrophe in the future Wrong verb form
lead
due to
younger age get gap getting sick. Linking Words
On the other hand
, some Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
thought
Wrong verb form
think
this
circumstance Linking Words
infers
that older Verb problem
implies
people
have no need for medical treatment anymore and Use synonyms
its
a sign Correct your spelling
it's
for
the better in hospitality Change preposition
of
technology
. In my opinion, the Use synonyms
drawback
outweigh the Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
advantage
.
Normally, adolescents tend to be stronger than old folk Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
due to
their biological structure still Linking Words
in
shape and Add a missing verb
being in
compare
to the old that have passed their erosion Wrong verb form
compared
such
as back pain Linking Words
and
etc. newer Correct word choice
apply
people
are more determined. Use synonyms
Then
if the younger population is having a Linking Words
coma
that would be unusual since Use synonyms
coma
mostly Use synonyms
affect
in adulthood to late old. There may be a lot of reasons Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
for instance
overload work or no Linking Words
work life
balance. Add a hyphen
work-life
This
Linking Words
lead
young Replace the word
leads
people
to be in Use synonyms
Use synonyms
coma
state faster than they should and Correct article usage
a coma
its
a bad sign for future Replace the word
it's
it is
generation
.
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
However
, some Linking Words
people
think Use synonyms
otherwise
. They thought the result Linking Words
come
from an Wrong verb form
came
advanced
in modern Replace the word
advancement
technology
that make older Use synonyms
people
who mostly have been treated before less likely to be in Use synonyms
Use synonyms
coma
. As for younger Add an article
a coma
people
, they presumed that these new don't have been treated to Use synonyms
newest
hospitality yet Correct article usage
the newest
such
as vaccination or examination. Linking Words
Hence
, why there are more Linking Words
the
young who Change preposition
of the
felt
Wrong verb form
feel
coma
than the old.
After they Use synonyms
recieve treatmet
correctly they will gain their strength back and their immune system will be better than Correct your spelling
receive treatment
bofore
leading to less illness.
Correct your spelling
before
Altough
some may argue that if the circumstance is solely coming from advancing modern Correct your spelling
Although
technology
Use synonyms
then
why Linking Words
younger
Add a missing verb
do younger
people
still have Use synonyms
Use synonyms
coma
Correct article usage
a coma
.
Change the punctuation
?
Instead
, the Linking Words
overall
Linking Words
popualtion
getting Correct your spelling
population
coma
should decline for all Use synonyms
age
as Fix the agreement mistake
ages
the
Correct article usage
apply
technology
Use synonyms
advance
for everyone.
In conclusion, the younger population tend to be in Correct subject-verb agreement
advances
Use synonyms
coma
than the old Add an article
a coma
lead
to Replace the word
leading
be sign
Wrong verb form
signs
for advancing
in Change preposition
of advances
technology
. Use synonyms
In contrast
, it Linking Words
aslo
refers to an overload Correct your spelling
also
this
young Linking Words
gerneration
has to go through. Correct your spelling
generation
Moreover
, the Linking Words
technology
advancing may not be Use synonyms
appliable
Replace the word
applicable
for
every age gap. Change preposition
to
Hence
, the more drawbacks Linking Words
from
Change preposition
to
this
situation.Linking Words
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task response
Your essay addresses the topic, but the main points could be explained with more clarity and precision. Work on ensuring that your arguments are fully developed and supported with precise examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of the essay. Some sections feel disjointed or lack smooth transitions. Use transitional phrases and logical connectors to better guide the reader through your arguments.
task response
Further support your main points with specific examples or factual details to enhance your discussion. This will make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and summarize the main ideas, which is important for overall cohesion.
task achievement
Your essay attempts to discuss both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of different perspectives.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.