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Band 3

In order to learn the way other people in the world live,it is better to look at flim and video records than written docuemnts.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #world #flim #video #records #docuemnts
I think looking at film or video records is a better way for
people
 to learn the way other
people
 in the world live. The films and videos have a characteristic that can be accepted easily by most
people
.Because of their mode of communication,visual transmission,
people
 can understand the content of film even
they
Correct word choice
if they
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 have language barriers.Different from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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visual communication,written documents may cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 of accuracy
due to
 different
version
Fix the agreement mistake
versions
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 of
translation
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the translation
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.
Audience
Fix the agreement mistake
Audiences
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also
 gain something,thoughts and
fellings
Correct your spelling
feelings
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,
while
 watching films and videos.Content makers produce works based on realities or stories which adapt from real life
,
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apply
show examples
so that they can strike
the
Correct article usage
a
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 chord with their audience.The time cost of films and videos
lower
Add a missing verb
is lower
show examples
 than reading written documents.
People
 must spend a lot of time
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
understanding the words,even probably have some
misunderstanding
Fix the agreement mistake
misunderstandings
show examples
 during the reading period. In conclusion,I think looking at film and video is a good way better than reading written documents to learn
people
Rephrase
how people
show examples
 in the world live,for their features of understanding easily and spending less time.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
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Complete Response
Attempt to address counterarguments. Discussing an opposing viewpoint can make your essay more comprehensive and nuanced.
Introduction and Conclusion Present
Your essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, making your position on the topic clear.
Logical Structure
The essay flows logically from one point to another, generally maintaining a coherent structure throughout.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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