Childood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsilbility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?

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Childhood obesity in Australia is a serious

problem

Use synonyms

these days.

However

Linking Words

, there are innumerable causes pertaining to it and if

all

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

some stringent plans are not formulated and

implimented

Correct your spelling

implemented

then

Linking Words

the

problem

Use synonyms

can even deteriorate and it can

tell upon

Verb problem

affect

show examples

children

Use synonyms

health

Use synonyms

Besides

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

majority

Correct article usage

the majority

show examples

of people believe that

soul

Correct your spelling

the sole

show examples

responsibility of school staff

Add a missing verb

is to

show examples

resolve

this

Linking Words

problem

Use synonyms

To begin

Linking Words

with , there are many reasons behind

this

Linking Words

trend. As we all know

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

today's era is

competitive

Add an article

a competitive

the competitive

show examples

era, in

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

parents are busy

Change preposition

with

show examples

their hectic

schedule

Fix the agreement mistake

schedules

show examples

so that they do not have enough time to spend with their

children

Use synonyms

Subsequently

Linking Words

, their

children

Use synonyms

watch television, play video games and

chit chat

Add a hyphen

chit-chat

show examples

with their friends.

As a result

Linking Words

not only

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

this

Linking Words

effect put

Verb problem

has

show examples

an adverse effect on their mental

health

Use synonyms

as well as

Linking Words

physical

Correct pronoun usage

their physical

show examples

health

Use synonyms

. History reveals that in developing countries like Canada, Australia, and America where individuals run like a rat race to earn apt of money

due to

Linking Words

their

children

Use synonyms

indulge

Wrong verb form

indulging

show examples

in illegal

activities

Use synonyms

In addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, these days youngsters like to play indoor

activities

Use synonyms

instead

Linking Words

of outdoor

activities

Use synonyms

because they do not have much friend circle ,

they

Correct word choice

and they

show examples

live alone for more time at

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

home which results in obesity. What is more, in developing nations like Australia and Canada masses like to live in small families

instead

Linking Words

of joint families their parents just put extra pressure on their juveniles to get

high

Add an article

a high

the high

show examples

standard of living including better employment, comfort and wealth.

Hence

Linking Words

, they do not focus on

their

Change the word

the

show examples

physical growth in which their

children

Use synonyms

are facing difficulty .

Moreover

Linking Words

, kids like to eat processed food because of taste and

convienent

Correct your spelling

convenience

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

food is low in nutrition and high in calories.

On the contrary

Linking Words

side ,

Add an article

show examples

bunch of people think that it is the duty of schools because they have to teach their students about new outdoor

activities

Use synonyms

so that they improve their physical

health

Use synonyms

Besides

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, teachers ought to give homework so that students use less technology . To

recapitute

Correct your spelling

recapitulate

, it cannot be denied that

this

Linking Words

problem

Use synonyms

can be very well and effectively handled with the joint and collaborative efforts of parents,

children

Use synonyms

and teachers.

navdeepbajaj89Mon Oct 14 2024

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task achievement

Your introduction does a good job of setting up the problem and acknowledging various viewpoints, but be clear about your stance on the responsibility of schools versus that of parents.

coherence cohesion

Try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that your points are logically connected. This will improve the flow of your writing.

task achievement

Examples provided could be more specific and directly tied to the main points to strengthen your arguments.

task achievement

You address multiple perspectives on the issue, mentioning both the role of parents and schools, which adds depth to your discussion.

coherence cohesion

The essay features a clear introduction and a strong conclusion, effectively framing your discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

362 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

monitor
responsibility
nutrition
physical activities
primary responsibility
complement
mandatory
limiting
availability
junk food
canteens
collaborative efforts
comprehensive approach
limitations

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Childood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsilbility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

"Some people think that students benefit more from learning in classrooms with teachers than from studying online. To what extent do you agree or disagree?"

If a person is found to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol while driving, they should be banned from driving for life, whether they were involved in an accident or not. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.