IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think it is more important to spend public money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #money #roads #motorways #transport #systems #railways #trams
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Nowadays, with the dramatic increase in population, many individuals own a car or a vehicle to travel.
Therefore
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 many
people
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 think that it is necessary to invest public
money
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 in roads and motorways
instead
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 of public
transport
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 systems. I would argue that it is of paramount importance to
use
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 public
money
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 to fix the public
transportation
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system
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. The reason is that
this
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 helps motivate
people
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 to
use
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 green
transportation
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 and will make using these
transport
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 tickets way cheaper.
To begin
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 with, it is important to focus on the fact that spending
money
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 on the
transport
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system
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 will help
people
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use
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 more trams or
trains
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 to get to their destination.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 has a good impact on the climate because fewer cars will be on the road. The research concluded that when there is a variety in timetables and more
trains
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,
people
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 will choose to take
trains
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 rather than cars.
Moreover
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, research conducted showed that the accidents
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the roads
decrease
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decreased
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 after
people
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start
Wrong verb form
started
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 using more
trains
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 and
don't
Wrong verb form
didn't
show examples
 drive after long work hours. Next to the advantages of giving
money
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 out to the public
transport
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system
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 which will push us to
use
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 more green energy, it is important to look at more plus points. When the government
usesuse
Correct your spelling
uses
 the
money
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 to invest in fixing public
transportation
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 systems, the tickets will become way cheaper for travellers, and
therefore
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 more attractive to
use
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. In conclusion, it is important to give
money
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 out in the public
system
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 to motivate the usage of green
transportation
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 and achieve cheap tickets.
Submitted by ouazilhakima010 on

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task achievement
Include more relevant examples or data to strengthen the argument. Although your points are valid, concrete examples can make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving transitions between paragraphs. Clearer transitions will help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
task achievement
Clarify some of your sentences to ensure that your ideas come across in a clear and insightful manner.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
The argument focuses on the importance of public transportation and its environmental impact, which is clearly connected to the task even if it needs further support and examples.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the points effectively, reinforcing the main argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • public transport systems
  • economic growth
  • traffic congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • social equity
  • urban development
  • sustainable
  • mobility needs
  • revitalization
  • efficiency
  • safety
  • reliance
  • combatting
  • mitigating
What to do next:
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