IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Businesses should do anything they can to make a profit. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

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Profit
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 is presumed as the ultimate goal of
businesses
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. The
pre conceived
Add a hyphen
pre-conceived
show examples
 notion of
profit
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above all
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 costs is a debatable topic.
While
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 certain people agree with
this
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, others argue against it. In
this
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 essay, I will reason my opinion with specific examples and will state whether I agree or disagree with
this
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 statement. On one hand, the sustainability of
businesses
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 depends on it's
profit
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.
For example
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, paying loans, interest, bills, employees' payroll and maintaining the operational area costs a lot.
In addition
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, the
profits
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 are a way to prove that there is a stable income to secure more loans from institutions in need of any critical situations during financial instability.
Moreover
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, the maintenance of
profit
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 ensures the suppliers that there is a demand for their resources in the correct location. All these factors indicate that
profit
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 should be considered seriously to make progress and improve the
overall
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 function of a business enterprise.
On the other hand
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,
businesses
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 are involved in improving the
overall
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 functional stability of a society.
For instance
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, primarily considering
profit
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 and providing low-quality items in the name of trust will lead to a loss of belief which in turn could affect the long-term success of an organization.
In addition
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, misusing the
profits
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 to politically influence society to cover up serious offences via campaigns will lead to contradictions and turmoils. All of these factors lead to a viewpoint that only considering
profits
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 could be beneficial in the short term but not in the long term. In my conclusion, I would partially agree with the statement that
businesses
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 should highly prioritize
profits
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 over other factors.
Moreover
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, the
overall
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 collective outcomes should be considered
while
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 maintaining
profit
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 as the primary factor but not the only factor.

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task achievement
To strengthen the task response, consider firmly taking a stance in your introduction instead of leaving it until the conclusion. This will make your position clear from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
In coherence and cohesion, try to enhance the logical structure by clarifying the transitions between different points. This will help your argument flow more naturally.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the argument within the context.
task achievement
Main points are generally well-supported with specific examples that illustrate the ideas.
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