IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Businesses should do anything they can to make a profit. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

#businesses #profit #support #position
Profit
 is presumed as the ultimate goal of
businesses
. The
pre conceived
Add a hyphen
pre-conceived
show examples
 notion of
profit
above all
 costs is a debatable topic.
While
 certain people agree with
this
, others argue against it. In
this
 essay, I will reason my opinion with specific examples and will state whether I agree or disagree with
this
 statement. On one hand, the sustainability of
businesses
 depends on it's
profit
.
For example
, paying loans, interest, bills, employees' payroll and maintaining the operational area costs a lot.
In addition
, the
profits
 are a way to prove that there is a stable income to secure more loans from institutions in need of any critical situations during financial instability.
Moreover
, the maintenance of
profit
 ensures the suppliers that there is a demand for their resources in the correct location. All these factors indicate that
profit
 should be considered seriously to make progress and improve the
overall
 function of a business enterprise.
On the other hand
,
businesses
 are involved in improving the
overall
 functional stability of a society.
For instance
, primarily considering
profit
 and providing low-quality items in the name of trust will lead to a loss of belief which in turn could affect the long-term success of an organization.
In addition
, misusing the
profits
 to politically influence society to cover up serious offences via campaigns will lead to contradictions and turmoils. All of these factors lead to a viewpoint that only considering
profits
 could be beneficial in the short term but not in the long term. In my conclusion, I would partially agree with the statement that
businesses
 should highly prioritize
profits
 over other factors.
Moreover
, the
overall
 collective outcomes should be considered
while
 maintaining
profit
 as the primary factor but not the only factor.
Submitted by onlineconsumer on

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task achievement
To strengthen the task response, consider firmly taking a stance in your introduction instead of leaving it until the conclusion. This will make your position clear from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
In coherence and cohesion, try to enhance the logical structure by clarifying the transitions between different points. This will help your argument flow more naturally.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the argument within the context.
task achievement
Main points are generally well-supported with specific examples that illustrate the ideas.

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