Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is an ongoing debate about whether
government
should prioritize educational funding or invest more heavily in recreational Add an article
the government
activities
for young people
. While
I agree that leisure activities
play an essential role in development
of the youth, I firmly believe that Add an article
the development
education
should remain the top priority for government spending. In this
essay, I will elaborate on why education
is crucial while
acknowledging the benefits of free-time activities
.
To begin
with, education
is the foundation upon which a prosperous society is built. By investing in education
, government equip young people
with the skills
and knowledge necessary to succeed in the workforce and contribute to nation’s
economic growth.Educated individuals are more likely to find stable employment, innovate, and improve their quality of life. Correct article usage
the nation’s
For instance
, countries like Finland, which have heavily invested in education
, boast high literacy rate
and a thriving economy.Fix the agreement mistake
rates
Therefore
, ensuring that all children have access to quality education
should be government’s
primary concern.
Correct article usage
the government’s
Moreover
, education
fosters critical thinking, problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
skills
, and decision-making skills
, all of which are essential in increasingly
complex world.These abilities are indispensable not only for personal Add an article
an increasingly
development
but also
for the advancement of society.Governments that prioritize education
lay groundwork
for future leaders and innovators who can address global challenges, Add an article
the groundwork
such
as climate change and economic inequality.
However
, it is also
important to recognize the value of free-time activities
for young people
. Engaging in sports, music, or other hobbies is crucial for a child’s mental and physical well-being. Overemphasis on academic
without allowing time for relaxation and creativity can lead to burnout, anxiety , and lack of motivation. Fix the agreement mistake
academics
For example
, studies have shown that children who participate in extracurricular activities
perform better academically because these activities
provide a healthy outlet for stress and encourage a balanced lifestyle. Furthermore
, leisure activities
help develop essential life skills
such
as teamwork, communication, and time management. These soft skills
are not always taught in classroom
but are highly sought after in the professional world. Countries that Add an article
the classroom
a classroom
incorporates
sports and arts into their educational systems, Correct subject-verb agreement
incorporate
such
as Japan and Korea, produce well-rounded individuals who excel both academically and socially.
In conclusion, while
free-time activities
are undeniably important for holistic
Correct article usage
the holistic
development
of young people
, education
should remain top
priority for public authorities spending. A well-educated population is the key to a nation’s Add an article
a top
the top
long -term
success, but allocating some resources to recreational Correct your spelling
long-term
activities
can ensure a balanced approach to youth development
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coherence cohesion
Provide clearer links between paragraphs. Ensure the transition between ideas is smoother to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Focus on refining the introduction and conclusion to clearly summarize your stance and arguments.
task achievement
Sometimes rewriting sentences for clarity can strengthen the arguments and ensure the reader fully understands your position. Make sure your ideas are expressed comprehensively.
task achievement
Use additional examples to support your arguments. Add variety in examples to strengthen the points being made.
task achievement
The essay offers a balanced view, detailing the importance of both education and free-time activities, which enriches the argument and provides a comprehensive answer to the question.
task achievement
All main points are well-supported, with valid examples such as those from Finland, Japan, and Korea, which enhance the argument's credibility.
coherence cohesion
The structure is logical and well-developed, with a clear introduction and conclusion that helps guide the reader through your analysis.
coherence cohesion
Good use of paragraphing and development of ideas, ensuring that each point is clearly presented and arguments are supported.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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