Some people regard video games as useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Digitalization has
been
overtaken the world in a positive trend since Unnecessary verb
apply
technology
revolution. Some argue that digital Correct article usage
the technology
games
can be used as an effective educational method, while
others argue that the negativity associated with digital games
may adversly
Correct your spelling
adversely
Correct pronoun usage
effect them
effect
. In my opinion, Correct your spelling
affect
Correct article usage
the unfavorable
unfavorable
effects of spending time Change the spelling
unfavourable
to play
Change the verb form
playing
video
games
outweight
the advantages.
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighs
Video
games
are programmed in digital screens such
as smart phones
, personal computers, tablets and television screens. Correct your spelling
smartphones
In
Change preposition
On
one
hand, engaging in longer gaming and watch times can affect one's physical and mental health badly in different aspects namely, spinal pains, eye-sight problems, and Correct article usage
the one
adictions
towards gaming. Correct your spelling
addictions
Therefore
, gamers will be lethargic, feel alone, limit interactions with the
society and most probably be physically Correct article usage
apply
innactive
which is not a positive sign.
Correct your spelling
inactive
On the other hand
, there are variety
of Add an article
a variety
games
which are developed to increase brain capacity, critical thinking, analytical skills and sudden decision making
ability. Add a hyphen
decision-making
Thus
, there are some advantages on
Change preposition
to
video
gaming. More importantly, this
field can be used as a major income source if used purposefully. For exmple
many Correct your spelling
example
video
game players participate on
international Change preposition
in
games
as teams annually. This kind
of activities can Fix the agreement mistake
These kinds
encougrage
people's enthusiasm to be motivated and powered more to live a better life. Correct your spelling
encourage
However
, most of
Change preposition
apply
the
people do not have a proper idea Correct article usage
apply
on
how to be productive as a gamer, Change preposition
of
As a
result
many people fail in their lives.
In conclusion, I Add the comma(s)
result,
am
strongly Verb problem
apply
agreeing on
that Wrong verb form
agree
drawbacks
of digitalized gaming Correct article usage
the drawbacks
outweight
its pros.Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighed
Submitted by samadhi22ch on
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Task Achievement
Try to provide a more comprehensive and balanced discussion by examining both the potential educational benefits of video games and the negative effects. You can include more examples to clearly demonstrate how video games can be educational or harmful.
Task Achievement
Make sure to develop your main points with more detailed arguments and examples. This can help strengthen your essay and address the task more completely.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some sentences are slightly unclear due to grammatical inaccuracies. Paying attention to sentence structure and correct grammar will improve clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that all ideas follow logically from one to another. Try using more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps the reader understand the main argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The topic sentences are generally clear and indicate the content of each paragraph, which helps in maintaining a logical flow.
Task Achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which shows a good attempt at a balanced view on the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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