IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that that working at home is beneficial to the worker and the family while others believe that it is stressful to both the worker and the family. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #home #worker
Many individuals do
home
office
 nowadays, some people believe that it creates adrenalin rush to both the
workers
 and the family
while
 others contend that it is beneficial to the
workers
as well as
 their family. In my opinion,
home
 is better for those persons who do remote jobs;
however
, who
does job
Verb problem
work
show examples
 in a factory as
a labour
Correct your spelling
labourers
show examples
, it is necessary to do
work
 in person. On the one hand,
home
Correct article usage
the home
show examples
office
 gives an immense opportunity to the
workers
 who usually do
work
 online because it brings some multifarious facilities.
Firstly
, it saves money and energy
that
is spend
Change the verb form
is spent
show examples
 to go
office
 or factory using public or private vehicles by a worker.
For example
, in Bangladesh, during
office
 hours, an officer needs to travel within 2 hours for 5
killometers
Correct your spelling
kilometres
road
Change preposition
of road
show examples
due to
 traffic congregation, so if he/she can do
this
work
 online from
home
 it would save his time.
Secondly
,
office
 from
home
 saves the cost of some company's
office
fare
Fix the agreement mistake
fares
show examples
 which basically do
work
 online mostly than offline.
Thirdly
, online
workers
 have the tremendous opportunity to give time to their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 both in good
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 bad
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
.
On the other hand
, online
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not possible
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some employees like factory
workers
. They need to do
work
 physically;
as a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 they usually join in their
office
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 weekdays. If any causes,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
show examples
road block
Correct your spelling
roadblock
show examples
, hinder
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
to go
Change preposition
from going
show examples
 to their
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
, it creates stress in their mind
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 affects on his/her family as they won't be able to make money without going to
industry
Add an article
the industry
show examples
 in
this
 developing country.
Besides
, some people love to do
work
 physically rather than online.
Moreover
, working at
office
Add an article
the office
show examples
 gives
peson
Correct your spelling
people
 a working environment to do
work
 which is not possible
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
home
.
To conclude
,
although
home
Correct article usage
the home
show examples
 officers
number are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rising day by day
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
usually
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 abroad
due to
 some special amenities;
however
, in some fields, it is not possible to do
work
 without presenting there.
Submitted by zobaermasum12 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure all main points are equally developed with appropriate examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Try to address specific counterpoints more thoroughly to achieve a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Be cautious of small grammatical and lexical inaccuracies to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay clearly presents an introduction and conclusion, enhancing readability and understanding.
task achievement
There is an attempt to balance both views of the topic, which contributes to task achievement.
task achievement
Real-world examples, like the traffic situation in Bangladesh, are included to illustrate points. This adds relevance and context.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Remote work
  • Telecommuting
  • Work-life balance
  • Productivity
  • Flexibility
  • Isolation
  • Distractions
  • Customized work environment
  • Work encroachment
  • Communication challenges
  • Family bonds
  • Traditional workplace
  • Time management
  • Personalized workspace
What to do next:
Look at other essays: