IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are tought to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adult. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #tought #adult
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Nowadays, there are plenty of parenting styles
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 implementing essential
life
skills
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
. Some people argue that
competition
 is a
skill
 that has to be fostered.
In contrast
, others think that collaboration is a more beneficial
life
skill
 than
competition
. Personally, I admit that both
life
skills
 are important and parents should encourage them.
Spirit
Correct article usage
The Spirit
show examples
 of
competition
 is a must for
children
 as it trains
children
for
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apply
show examples
not
giving
Change the verb form
to give
show examples
 up easily. Challenges that
children
 face in
competition
 foster their determination to achieve higher goals. They will get used to giving
all-out
Add an article
an all-out
show examples
 performance to become the best in every task. It will push
children
 to become mentally tougher.
Additionally
,
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 cooperation is
also
 essential for
children
 because humans are naturally social beings. Since a human is
borned
Correct your spelling
born
, he is always interdependent with
surroundings
Correct pronoun usage
his surroundings
show examples
. Building a collaboration
life
skill
 helps
children
 to solve more problems
together with
 their peers. Certainly, it will bring so much advantage once they grow up and adapt
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 various kinds of environments.
To conclude
, every parent has their own idealism to foster essential
life
skills
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
children
. Some adults think that
competition
 is the most valuable
life
skill
 that has to be owned by
children
. The other believe that cooperation is
also
 important and become the most helpful
life
skills
Fix the agreement mistake
skill
show examples
 in their future. Reflecting on my personal experience, I believe both
skills
 are invaluable.
Children
 with a sense of competing and used to cooperating will become
a
Correct article usage
apply
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successful person in
academic
Correct pronoun usage
their academic
show examples
, career, or social
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by astarindri on

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specific examples
Include specific examples or case studies to support your points, which can provide a more persuasive argument.
logical structure
Make sure to transition smoothly between points, and perhaps expand on how they interrelate.
complete response
The essay clearly addresses both views and concludes with a well-rounded personal opinion.
introduction conclusion present
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a nice structure to the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
The language used is generally comprehensive and conveys the ideas effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sense of achievement
  • Personal growth
  • Strive to excel
  • Motivate
  • Reach full potential
  • Determination
  • Resilience
  • Failures and setbacks
  • Team skills
  • Harmoniously
  • Critical life skill
  • Professional environments
  • Empathy
  • Instill
  • Balanced approach
  • Well-rounded individuals
  • Personal accomplishment
  • Collective success
  • Competition
  • Cooperation
What to do next:
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