IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend To what extend fo you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevaant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#week #workers #weekend #fo #relevaant
This
 essay will open
topic
Correct article usage
the topic
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about
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of
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working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
 week and
should
Correct word choice
whether should
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 it be longer or shorter.
Aurthor
Correct your spelling
Author
 opinions, that
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
governments
 have to make working week shorter during the winter and the
summer
Correct your spelling
summertime
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time
. I will explain and give some relevant knowledge
from
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on
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this
 topic. In most countries, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 no normalized limits
of
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on
show examples
 working
days
, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to chronic fatigue,
for instance
, Chinese workers
is
Change the verb form
are
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 the most hard-working people in the world. Despite
this
, the suicide rate is only increasing
due to
 the lack of free
time
 and terrible conditions. The government doesn't give
days
 off or shortened working
days
 because they are thinking about money and how to make
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 number one
in
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on
show examples
 the leaderboards. In my opinion, in
summer
Add an article
the summer
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time
 and winter
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 the biggest problem
are
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is
show examples
 with the conditions in which workers usually work.
Likewise
,
majority
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the majority
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 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 living their lives in small apartments are often referred to as micro-apartments, which doesn't give any comfort
for
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to
show examples
 usual
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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.
However
, there are some solutions in these cases,
for instance
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 have to provide shortened working
days
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 one hour. It will help people to find some new hobbies or spend
time
 with family or friends. The same solution has already been
implented
Correct your spelling
implemented
implanted
 in some countries
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Europe and The United States of America and
this
shows
Wrong verb form
has shown
show examples
 impressive success in the past dozens. In
conclussion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, there are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ways
on
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apply
show examples
how we can improve
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
show examples
 of simple workers from
fairness
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a fairness
show examples
poin
Correct your spelling
point
 of view. We must make
such
 reforms
imidediately
Correct your spelling
immediately
 before it is too late and the entire population is frustrated.
Submitted by stepanantoniuk07 on

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coherence
Work on improving sentence structure and clarity. The ideas should be more clearly explained to enhance coherence.
task
Provide more detailed examples or evidence to support your points. This will improve your task achievement score.
task
Ensure all parts of the task are addressed in a more balanced way. Avoid heavily focusing on one aspect of the argument.
coherence
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that restates the main argument.
task
The essay addresses the topic and presents an opinion on the working week, proposing some solutions.
coherence
There is a logical flow to the argument presented, with some examples integrated.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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