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Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions the world during the 1990s.

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions the world during the 1990s.
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The pie chart depicts the 4 undermining factors why cultivated
land
Use synonyms
 becomes unproductive,
while
Linking Words
 the table illustrates how
such
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 factors contributed to
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
 in 3 distinct regions during the 1990s. To commence, over-grazing was the predominant factor that caused agricultural
land
Use synonyms
 to become less productive, accounting for 35% of the total.
This
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 was followed by deforestation and over-cultivation with almost identical percentages at 29% on each issue.
In contrast
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, the other problem was approximately 28% less compared to over-grazing, indicating a remarkable disparity.
On the other hand
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, by the 1990s, regarding causes of
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
 by region, deforestation had destroyed 9.8% of
land
Use synonyms
 in
Europe
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,
while
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 in Oceania and North
America
Use synonyms
, the percentages were relatively low, at 1.7% and 0.2% respectively.
Moreover
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, though 7.7% of
land
Use synonyms
 in
Europe
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 and 3.3% of
land
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 in North
America
Use synonyms
 had become less productive
due to
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 over-cultivation, Oceania's
land
Use synonyms
 was unaffected by over-cultivation.
Additionally
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, 11.3% of Oceania’s
land
Use synonyms
 was destroyed by over-grazing,
while
Linking Words
this
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 issue only destroyed less than half of Oceania’s in North
America
Use synonyms
 and
Europe
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
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,
Europe
Use synonyms
 was the region with the highest percentage of total
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
 (23%), followed by Oceania at 13% and North
America
Use synonyms
 at 5%. To encapsulate, though over-grazing was the dominant underlying issue that caused worldwide
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
,
Europe
Use synonyms
 was the most degraded among other regions.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words land, degradation, europe, america with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Agricultural productivity
  • Deforestation
  • Over-cultivation
  • Overgrazing
  • Soil erosion
  • Nutrient depletion
  • Land degradation
  • Soil compaction
  • Fertility
  • Preventive measures
  • Sustainable farming practices
  • Environmental impact
  • Economic implications
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