IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: An increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. Why is this the case, and what solutions are possible?

#minutes #topic #production #consumer #goods #results #damage #environment #case
Nowaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
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, the environment is threatened by the increase in commodity
production
 to meet market demands leading to a lot of consequences.
Therefore
, to overcome the serious consequences which are caused by the manufacturing industry, we need to clarify the
causes
 and come up with optimal measures. First and foremost, the increase in commodity consumption
causes
 many harmful effects in terms of land, air and water pollution.
Firstly
, indiscriminate littering and mineral exploitation to serve
production
 lead to pollution and soil erosion.
Additionally
, poaching wild animals to do animal experiments for cosmetic
production
causes
 ecological imbalance, pushing many animal species into danger of extinction.
Secondly
, factories do not meet wastewater treatment procedures and illegal toxic waste disposal,
dumping
Correct word choice
and dumping
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 untreated sewage directly into rivers and lakes are
also
one
Correct determiner usage
some
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 of the major
causes
 of water pollution, affecting household water sources .
Finally
, heavy reliance on fossil fuels for
production
causes
 poisonous fumes,
reduced
Correct word choice
and reduced
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 air quality which is the main cause leading to global warming and greenhouse gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
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.
Secondly
, to overcome the consequences caused by
production
, effective solutions are needed.
Firstly
, the government needs to take drastic action
such
 as
enact
Wrong verb form
enacting
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 laws,
impose
Wrong verb form
imposing
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 a limitation for a level which is acceptable and
issue
Wrong verb form
issuing
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 a fine level to control
commercial
Add an article
the commercial
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 exploitation of natural resources.
Moreover
, businesses need to implement environmental discharge regulations to move towards green-minded businesses.
Finally
, individuals, it is necessary to actively participate in environmental protection activities, plant trees, throw trash in the right place, and recycle plastic bottles many times. In conclusion, increasing
production
 to meet increasing market demand
causes
 impacts on the environment.
Hence
, we need to take practical actions to protect the environment.
Submitted by elsenglish16992 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points, especially in the paragraph discussing harmful effects and solutions.
coherence cohesion
Consider connecting paragraphs with more linking words or phrases to enhance the flow and coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, which facilitates the reader’s understanding.
task achievement
Your response addresses the prompt thoroughly and considers both causes and solutions clearly.
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