Veer advancement in medical science note it is quite common for people to live up to age of 100 and further medical research would make it possible for normal human beings to live longer than that. Is this desirable or not
Society has different views about the development of
the
science which is predicted to help individuals live longer Correct article usage
apply
while
others deny these benefits. There are some strong arguments in support of this
new advancement of medical science, but I believe that living up to 150 years will cause
Verb problem
have
negative
influence on the community.
Add an article
a negative
People
support immortality for several reasons. Firstly
, human beings would have no regrets about their strong desires of
accomplishments. Change preposition
for
As
Correct word choice
People
people
can do what they have not done before in their hardworking days due to
a big dream of success in the future life
. Thus
, longevity assists humankind to live joy
of seeing Add an article
the joy
in
the successful period by completing unfinished ambitions. To substantiate it, here is an epitome of entrepreneurs who worked hard to reach Change preposition
apply
peak
of their career afterwards, they tend to stay achievements for longer to live in that pinnacle.
In spite of the above arguments, I agree that Add an article
the peak
a peak
picturesque
Correct article usage
a picturesque
life
and satisfaction for
what a person holds is much better than Change preposition
with
longer
subsistence without meaning and significance. Correct article usage
a longer
Furthermore
, humankind has certain limitations as organs would not remain same
in all phases of Correct article usage
the same
life
. During adult ages, person
feel more Add an article
a person
fatigue
and it is hard to provide proper care, especially Replace the word
fatigued
he
or she Correct word choice
if he
suffering
from bad health or weak resistance. Even though Wrong verb form
suffers
people
will able to receive extra-ordinary facilities, brain health would
not be changed. Wrong verb form
will
In addition
, surviving too prolonged only brings morbidity and this
will create heavy burdens on the government. There would be need
to allocate more expenditures and Correct article usage
a need
escalation
of older Correct article usage
the escalation
people
will indirectly affect the growth rate of developing countries as their limited resources will be spent on old age care centers
.
Change the spelling
centres
Overall
, it deems
to me that Correct your spelling
seems
potential
dangers of living Correct article usage
the potential
long
Add an article
a long
life
are more significant than possible
merits. Correct article usage
the possible
Thus
, I still argue that remain
healthy and balanced Wrong verb form
remaining
Change preposition
for in
in
entire Correct your spelling
an
life
is far better than expecting life
of Add an article
a life
approximate
150 years.Change the word
approximately
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task achievement
Aim to integrate more specific examples or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your points and strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to maintain consistent use of singular and plural forms, as well as other minor grammatical structures, to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-stated, effectively framing your essay.
task achievement
You have responded to the task question adequately, addressing both viewpoints regarding longevity.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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