IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Veer advancement in medical science note it is quite common for people to live up to age of 100 and further medical research would make it possible for normal human beings to live longer than that. Is this desirable or not

#advancement #science #note #people #age #research #beings
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Society has different views about the development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science which is predicted to help individuals live longer
while
Linking Words
 others deny these benefits. There are some strong arguments in support of
this
Linking Words
 new advancement of medical science, but I believe that living up to 150 years will
cause
Verb problem
have
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negative
Add an article
a negative
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 influence on the community.
People
Use synonyms
 support immortality for several reasons.
Firstly
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, human beings would have no regrets about their strong desires
of
Change preposition
for
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 accomplishments.
As
Correct word choice
People
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people
Use synonyms
 can do what they have not done before in their hardworking days
due to
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 a big dream of success in the future
life
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.
Thus
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, longevity assists humankind to live
joy
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the joy
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 of seeing
in
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apply
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the successful period by completing unfinished ambitions. To substantiate it, here is an epitome of entrepreneurs who worked hard to reach
peak
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the peak
a peak
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 of their career afterwards, they tend to stay achievements for longer to live in that pinnacle. In spite of the above arguments, I agree that
picturesque
Correct article usage
a picturesque
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life
Use synonyms
 and satisfaction
for
Change preposition
with
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 what a person holds is much better than
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
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 subsistence without meaning and significance.
Furthermore
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, humankind has certain limitations as organs would not remain
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 in all phases of
life
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. During adult ages,
person
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a person
show examples
 feel more
fatigue
Replace the word
fatigued
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 and it is hard to provide proper care, especially
he
Correct word choice
if he
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 or she
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffers
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 from bad health or weak resistance. Even though
people
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 will able to receive extra-ordinary facilities, brain health
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 not be changed.
In addition
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, surviving too prolonged only brings morbidity and
this
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 will create heavy burdens on the government. There would be
need
Correct article usage
a need
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 to allocate more expenditures and
escalation
Correct article usage
the escalation
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 of older
people
Use synonyms
 will indirectly affect the growth rate of developing countries as their limited resources will be spent on old age care
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, it
deems
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seems
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 to me that
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
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 dangers of living
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 are more significant than
possible
Correct article usage
the possible
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 merits.
Thus
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, I still argue that
remain
Wrong verb form
remaining
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 healthy and balanced
Change preposition
for in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 entire
life
Use synonyms
 is far better than expecting
Use synonyms
life
Add an article
a life
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 of
approximate
Change the word
approximately
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 150 years.
Submitted by sarabjeetk8899 on

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task achievement
Aim to integrate more specific examples or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your points and strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to maintain consistent use of singular and plural forms, as well as other minor grammatical structures, to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-stated, effectively framing your essay.
task achievement
You have responded to the task question adequately, addressing both viewpoints regarding longevity.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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