IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
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It is argued that trough all over the world, the
move
Use synonyms
 of rural population to agglomerations induces a drop in
countryside’s
Correct article usage
the countryside’s
show examples
 inhabitants.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with the fact that it might be a positive phenomenon. Many
people
Use synonyms
 from the rural zone, especially in industrial countries,
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to leave their native
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 for great cities, looking for opportunities and for a more comfortable
life
Use synonyms
. Indeed, since the
industrial revolution
Correct your spelling
Industrial Revolution
show examples
, cities
got
Verb problem
have
show examples
 developed dramatically, in many aspects of
life
Use synonyms
, and the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a huge workforce to fulfil the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 factories
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 induced these movements.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 every human being has the right to make his own
Use synonyms
life’s
Change noun form
life
show examples
 choices and long for a better and affluent
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 change for rural
people
Use synonyms
 allows them to escape from poverty and witnesses a nosedive in the rate of joblessness.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the early 1920s ,workers in Casablanca
city
Use synonyms
 , Morocco, used to come from the rural area surrounding the
city
Use synonyms
 in order to
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 and make their
life
Use synonyms
 better. A significant part of them could take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advantage of that
move
Use synonyms
,
thus
Linking Words
, improving their social situations. If several inhabitants from the countryside emigrate to agglomerations, there are still a lot that are convinced by their lifestyle and refuse categorically to abandon their peace of land.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 do the opposite and, in a perspective of changing their mode of
life
Use synonyms
, try to settle in small towns far from the stressful atmosphere of cities and the high cost of living. For these matters, an overwhelming reduction in
rural
Correct article usage
the rural
show examples
 population rate is unexpected. Casablanca
Use synonyms
city
Capitalize word
City
show examples
 is ,once again, a perfect example to illustrate the prior idea. In fact, numerous wealthy citizens decided in the
last
Linking Words
 decade to
move
Use synonyms
 on to rural areas, surrounding the
city
Use synonyms
, to take benefit from the low prices in flats and houses
as well as
Linking Words
 the comfort brought by nature. In conclusion, the
move
Use synonyms
 of rural population to urban areas is definitely a positive trend witnessed these
last
Linking Words
 years.
This
Linking Words
 change may help
people
Use synonyms
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 their social standings and reduce unemployment and poverty in our modern society. In spite of
this
Linking Words
 trend, many others prefer to stay in the countryside or
move
Use synonyms
 to small towns for diverse reasons.
Submitted by namoisma on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Signposting language, such as 'Furthermore', 'In addition', 'Conversely', can help guide the reader.
task achievement
Work on expanding the arguments with more detailed examples and explanations. This will strengthen the connection between your ideas and the main topic.
task achievement
Ensure that all sentences are necessary to your argument. Some ideas, while interesting, may not directly support your position and can be omitted or revised.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the essay's stance and sets up the main points to be discussed.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides specific examples, such as the reference to Casablanca, which effectively supports the arguments.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the author's position, providing a clear ending to the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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