IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

For celebrities and other famous people, it is always good ot be talked about ni the media (e.g. Internet, newspapers, TV). Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer

#celebrities #people #ot #ni #media #e #g #internet #newspapers #tv
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Some
people
 argue that
celebrities
 and other famous
people
 should always talk in the
media
. I personally agree with
this
 statement because the general public always
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to see
celebrities
 and famous
people
 in the electronic and print
media
, and as
celebrities
 are influential, they can raise
awareness
. The public always
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to see the faces of
celebrities
 and famous persons in the electronic and print
media
.
Celebrities
 have huge popularity among the general public, and
people
 are always curious to know about their personal lives.
People
 enjoy their presence and speech and want to follow them for entertainment.
For example
, in Bangladesh, sportspersons are quite popular among the general public, and
people
 always
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
 know about how they spend their daily lives for entertainment.
Moreover
, famous
people
 are influential, and
this
 influence can be used to raise
awareness
 among the general public. If
celebrities
 talk in the
media
 about several social issues
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the country,
people
 easily believe their words and listen to them.
Therefore
, the government of several countries use
celebrities
 to raise
awareness
 among the public regarding
nemerous
Correct your spelling
numerous
 social issues.
For instance
, in India, the Gujrat state government use the
celebrities
 of their state to raise
awareness
 about the drawbacks of child
marraige
Correct your spelling
marriage
. In conclusion, I agree that
celebrities
 should talk in the
media
akways
Correct your spelling
anyway
 because the general public
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to see them.
Celebrities
 should utilize their popularity to influence the public about social issues.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Try to provide more detailed examples to strengthen your arguments, particularly when discussing the use of celebrities in media.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to clarify your main points in each paragraph to enhance the clarity of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that address the main point of the essay.
task achievement
The essay includes specific examples, such as those related to Bangladesh and India, which support your arguments well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • visibility
  • advocacy
  • platform
  • amplify
  • economic benefits
  • endorsements
  • exposure
  • financial gains
  • sponsorships
  • scrutiny
  • invasion of privacy
  • mental health issues
  • public image
  • reputation
  • narratives
  • role models
  • social responsibility
  • persona
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