IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Fewer students are studying science at school and university, favoring more computer-based subjects. Why do you think it is happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

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It is true that
a
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an
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 increasing number of
students
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 are motivated to study
computer
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-based technical subjects rather than studying science in their academic life.
While
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 there are
varity
Correct your spelling
variety
 of factors
resposible
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responsible
 for
this
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 ,I believe that
this
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 is a positive change. There
are
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is
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number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of reasons why many
students
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 are interested to
sudy
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study
computer
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-based programs. One possible reason is that nowadays
computer
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 skills have vast importance and demand in every sector like
medical
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medicine
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, transportation, communication and so on.
This
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 is because
modern
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the modern
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 era is highly dependent on new technologies and inventions and
Use synonyms
computer based
Add a hyphen
computer-based
show examples
Use synonyms
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been needed for new technologies. Another reason why
students
Use synonyms
 are moving to
Use synonyms
computer based
Add a hyphen
computer-based
show examples
Use synonyms
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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to ensure job security to survive in
job
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the job
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 market.
This
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 is
beacuse
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because
 in
evry
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every
 sector nowadays requires at least basic
Use synonyms
computer based
Add a hyphen
computer-based
show examples
knowledge
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 to operate as
this
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knowledge
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 is needed to gather data.
Finally
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, for smooth communication
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computer based
Add a hyphen
computer-based
show examples
Use synonyms
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 is needed for making an instant presentation or sending an email to the client
this
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skill
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 is
must
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most
show examples
 needed.
Therefore
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,
students
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 are migrating their interest towards
computer
Use synonyms
-based skills. Moving to
computer
Use synonyms
-based
Use synonyms
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 in academic life is a positive change for many reasons.
Firstly
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,
comuter based
Correct your spelling
computer-based
skill
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 helps
student
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students
show examples
 to think by simulating and generating new ideas.
Thus
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, student's
brain
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brains
show examples
 can retain more information and can innovate new
tecnologies
Correct your spelling
technologies
.
Secondly
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, it
increase
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increases
show examples
critical
Correct article usage
the critical
show examples
 thinking of
students
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.
For instance
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, AI is the most innovative creation of
moder
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modern
 science which
nedded
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needs
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 complex
knowledge
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 of
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
. In conclusion,
students
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 are more eager to engage in
Use synonyms
computer based
Add a hyphen
computer-based
show examples
knowledge
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 for various reasons, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
this
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 tendency is better for their secure and prosperous life.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity and structure, consider organizing each paragraph around a single main idea. This will help ensure that each paragraph contributes clearly to your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point to be discussed. This will not only improve cohesion but also guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument. For example, reference specific trends in technology-related employment or the educational outcomes of students studying technology compared to science.
task achievement
Though your essay is generally clear, be careful of minor grammatical and vocabulary errors, such as "a increasing number" which should be "an increasing number". While they don't greatly detract from your message, fewer errors can make your work appear more polished.
coherence cohesion
You successfully introduced the topic and provided a conclusion. This helps the reader understand your position and the scope of your argument.
task achievement
You effectively identified multiple reasons for the trend you discussed, showing a good grasp of the topic.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarized your main points and clearly stated your opinion, contributing to a cohesive overall structure.
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