IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The line chart depicts the data of total participants for 5 distinct activities at a Melbourne social centre, in Australia between 2000 to 2020. Overall, those 5 different activities at a Melbourne social centre had their own patterns throughout the period.

The line chart depicts the data of total participants for 5 distinct activities at a Melbourne social centre, in Australia between 2000 to 2020. Overall, those 5 different activities at a Melbourne social centre had their own patterns throughout the period.
#line #data #participants #activities #melbourne #centre #australia #patterns #period
The line chart depicts the data of total
participants
 for 5 distinct activities at a Melbourne social centre, in Australia between 2000 to 2020.
Overall
, those 5 different activities at a Melbourne social centre had their own patterns throughout the period. To commence, by 2000, the film club had the highest
participants
Correct quantifier usage
number of participants
show examples
 compared to others, accounting for 65 individuals, followed by martial arts at approximately 37 people. These 2 activities continued steadily 20 years later, which reached almost identical
participants
 as in 2000.
On the other hand
, by 2000, the number of amateur dramatics and
table
tennis
participants
 was around 30 and 18 respectively,
whereas
 no one participated in
musician
Replace the word
music
show examples
performances
.
Moreover
, in 2010, the number of people who took part in amateur dramatics decreased slightly, falling to around 20.
In contrast
, within the same year,
table
tennis
participants
 remained relatively stable at about 20,
while
 musical
performances
Change the noun form
performance
show examples
participants
 rose significantly to over 10.
Additionally
, by 2015, almost 40 people engaged in
table
tennis
, surpassing the number of martial arts.
However
, approximately 18 individuals attended musical
performances
, illustrating a substantial surge, exceeding those who participated in amateur dramatics.
Furthermore
, in 2020,
table
Correct article usage
the table
show examples
tennis
 and musician
performances
Fix the agreement mistake
performance
show examples
participants
 increased noticeably, reaching their peak at about 50 and 20 respectively.
Submitted by rasendrya.hafiz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words participants, table, tennis, performances with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "depicts" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: