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Band 3

The plan below show a public park when first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#plan #show #park #first #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The given map illustrates changes in Grance
park
Capitalize word
Park
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, comparing how it was in 1920 and at the moment. 
Firstly
, only the entrances and the rose garden in the top
left-corner
Correct your spelling
left corner
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 remained the same,
a part
Correct your spelling
apart
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 from them everything is totally different.
For example
, seats were located next to the entrances, at the side of the two rose gardens on the left and at the right of the glass house,
while
, at the moment they are on all sides of the new rose garden at the centre, which
sobstitued
Correct your spelling
substituted
 the fountain that was in the same spot.
The
Change preposition
In the
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 top right corner quite a few things changed, in fact, the rose garden and the pond for
water
 plants were removed,
consequently
, a café and a pond
fo
Correct your spelling
for
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water
 plants were built in the same place. The same thing happened to the
water
 feature, which took the place of the glasshouse.
Next,
on the left
side
Add a comma
side,
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 the stage for musicians was replaced with an amphitheatre for concerts.
Lastly
, an underground car park was added, the entrance is
on
Change preposition
in
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 the bottom-right corner, behind the
water
 feature.
Submitted by alessandro.talese on

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coherence cohesion
Try to provide a clearer introduction that really sets the stage for what you will discuss. This could slightly improve the cohesion of your writing.
task achievement
When describing changes, ensure that each main point is thoroughly supported with specific details from the map to achieve a more complete response.
task achievement
The essay effectively pinpoints specific changes in Grance Park over time.
coherence cohesion
The central description of the park's transformation is structured logically.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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