Some people believe that money is more important than free time for a good quality of life. Others say the opposite is true. Discuss both views. What is more important in your opinion? Give relevant examples.

#people #money #time #quality #life

Money

is essential

Change preposition

show examples

every aspect of our lives. It helps us to meet all our needs and

provide

Correct subject-verb agreement

provides

show examples

us with a secure life. For our survival,

money

is important and

therefore

people

spend a significant amount of

time

Change preposition

show examples

their lives

Change preposition

apply

show examples

earning

money

For example

, 85% of

people

in Australia believe that

money

cannot buy happiness,

however

, it is still

all

Correct determiner usage

show examples

sources

Fix the agreement mistake

source

show examples

of happiness.

Therefore

, I personally believe that

money

is essential, but spending

time

with families

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

more important. Spending

time

with family members

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

to increase

bond

Add an article

the bond

show examples

between them. When

people

spend

time

with their families, they understand the importance of relationships. When we have family we should take care of them. Every relationship requires nurturing, and without our family

members

Add a comma

members,

show examples

we all are nothing.

Therefore

, spending quality

time

with family is necessary.

For example

people

who spend

time

with their families are

Change the word

apply

show examples

healthier and happier than those who do not.

Hence

, I personally believe that spending

time

with our family is more important.

Submitted by rahman_rehana on Wed Oct 16 2024

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introduction conclusion present

Consider adding a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your discussion and provide closure. This will help guide the reader through your argument.

supported main points

Ensure each main point is supported with specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument. Consider using statistics or more detailed anecdotes.

complete response

Try to expand your discussion on both views equally. While your preference for spending time with family is clear, a deeper exploration of the opposing view (the importance of money) would provide a more balanced response.

clear comprehensive ideas

The essay addresses both views of the argument, discussing the importance of money as well as the significance of spending time with family.

clear comprehensive ideas

There is a personal voice and opinion evident, which helps to make the essay engaging.

relevant specific examples

The essay includes a statistic about Australians' beliefs regarding money and happiness, adding interest and depth.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

2 paragraphs

169 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that money is more important than free time for a good quality of life. Others say the opposite is true. Discuss both views. What is more important in your opinion? Give relevant examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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