IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people believe that money is more important than free time for a good quality of life. Others say the opposite is true. Discuss both views. What is more important in your opinion? Give relevant examples.

#people #money #time #quality #life
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Money
Use synonyms
 is essential
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 every aspect of our lives. It helps us to meet all our needs and
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 us with a secure life. For our survival,
money
Use synonyms
 is important and
therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 spend a significant amount of
time
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their lives
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
earning
money
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, 85% of
people
Use synonyms
 in Australia believe that
money
Use synonyms
 cannot buy happiness,
however
Linking Words
, it is still
all
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
sources
Fix the agreement mistake
source
show examples
 of happiness.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I personally believe that
money
Use synonyms
 is essential, but spending
time
Use synonyms
 with families
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more important. Spending
time
Use synonyms
 with family members
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to increase
bond
Add an article
the bond
show examples
 between them. When
people
Use synonyms
 spend
time
Use synonyms
 with their families, they understand the importance of relationships. When we have family we should take care of them. Every relationship requires nurturing, and without our family
members
Add a comma
members,
show examples
 we all are nothing.
Therefore
Linking Words
, spending quality
time
Use synonyms
 with family is necessary.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who spend
time
Use synonyms
 with their families are
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
healthier and happier than those who do not.
Hence
Linking Words
, I personally believe that spending
time
Use synonyms
 with our family is more important.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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introduction conclusion present
Consider adding a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your discussion and provide closure. This will help guide the reader through your argument.
supported main points
Ensure each main point is supported with specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument. Consider using statistics or more detailed anecdotes.
complete response
Try to expand your discussion on both views equally. While your preference for spending time with family is clear, a deeper exploration of the opposing view (the importance of money) would provide a more balanced response.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay addresses both views of the argument, discussing the importance of money as well as the significance of spending time with family.
clear comprehensive ideas
There is a personal voice and opinion evident, which helps to make the essay engaging.
relevant specific examples
The essay includes a statistic about Australians' beliefs regarding money and happiness, adding interest and depth.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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